Let it BURN

My friends often criticize me b/c they say I "burn bridges" too much and too often... (which lowkey I agree smh and the worst part about me burning bridges is that, I often have the cross that bridge VERY SOON after i burn it ... SMH) 

I had a bury a relative this last weekend and after seeing how cancer can literally eat you alive, I realized death (burning) can sometimes be positive! Chemo's job is to come in a BURN away cancer cells ....

So after much introspection, before I embark on my new quest (note my last blog), i realized there are some people, things, thoughts, ideas that I MUST burn before I can truly be come better and healthier.  

I think Usher said it best:

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
You know that it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

So this blog is dedicated to you,

I love you, I've loved you more than life itself and a while ago we decided we should part ways but I NEVER truly let go. I fell in love with you (and I didn't even know it) I literally woke up one day and decided I didn't want to live without in my life!  I decided your joy, happiness, wants were more important than mine EVEN after you told/showed/texted/e-mailed that you didn't love me "like that" anymore.  I STILL HELD ON to the hope of your being back in love with me one day!  I would give up my friends, family and my literal life to spend time with you for a millisecond.  You RULED my emotions with an iron fist.  NOONE's words carried more weight than yours.  I gave you ALL the control in my life and i didn't even realize it.... you are CANCER!  You came in like a thief in the night and took over my life with no questions asked HOWEVER today, June 9, 2011, I'm taking control back!

I WILL NOT jump over couches, bend over backwards, jump through hoops to get to my phone when i hear your ringtone!

I WILL NOT place your request on a higerh level than anyone elses!

I WILL NOT go an emotional roller coaster because you didn't respond to my e-mail/text/calls in the manor I wanted you too

I WILL NOT cry because i don't "feel" like you love me

I love you enough to let you GO.  There's no love lost BUT I can't fulfil my destiny while I have cancer sooo I'm letting God (and a good number/text blocker app from droid) be your CHEMO ;) until I can learn to stand on my own 2 feet.  Until I realize i no longer NEED/Long for your approval! You are now dismissed out of my life until further notice...

Girl, understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn...