Random Ramblings of my Heart,
The Bible says, "A double minded man is unstable in ALL of his ways" <<<< may explain why I've been sooo UNSTABLE, bi-polar emotionally, full of double standards, pro-hypocrisy & want my cake while I eat it too.
It's not irrational to look out for self, matter of fact it's perfectly rational. But in my hearts of hearts i care about other people, and more importantly I hate the words "I'm disappointed in you Sade". It's like a volcano erupting in your core & tears my heart to pieces, (not trying to guilt trip, this is real life).
I thought I was making a decision that would make my life easier & lift a burden BUT it turns out it's created more of a burden & sheer embarrassment.
So what do I do?
Move on and act like it never happened? (knowing noone is ever going to forget)
OR
Do you swallow your pride & ask for a second chance? (knowing the answer maybe be "NO")
I don't know? but what I do know is that I NEED to get my mind RIGHT & I NEED to have stability!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day 13: part 3: Letter to siblings, Sis from another mother!
13) Your siblings (write a letter)
(as usual, the letters always tend to end up being the blogs I have to dig deep
within so I'll be writing 3 letters 1st to my lil bro, then my lil sis,
then to people I consider siblings :) (i'll add the letter M to the last letter)
We have 108 photos tagged of us together on facebook, if you look at family she's under "mother" ... who do I speak of?
My Sister from another Mother, Moneika!
When August gets here, we would have known each other 7 years o_0!!!!! Let me start by saying THANK YOU!
I remember walking into HJNorth room 316 and looking on the other door and saw Moneika (monica) and britani would be my suite mates... I opened the bathroom door, met brittani and thought she was sooooo nice. Then I met you a couple hours later and i thought you would be sooooo mean ... i was all the way wrong
7 years later...
You're still my friend and more than that, I truly consider you my sister! You are everything I'm not lol you think with your head & not your heart, you judge a book after your read it, i judge it before, you plan, I operate on impulse, you manage money, I spend money SMH
Thank You, thank you for introducing me to UNC-Chapel Hill class of 07! I know more people in the class of 07 than my own class. You took me under your wings and let me hang out with you, took me to my 1st que party, 1st alpha ball, 1st probate, 1st game night, Gave me YOUR ticket to the UNC/Dook game b/c you had to work, gave me a roof when I could have slept in the street, visited me in the hospital, took me to the hospital, gave me money, gave me your time and MOST importantly you gave me LOVE! We've been through several things after 7 years and never once did you give up on me. You forgave me when I didn't deserve forgiveness and tolerated my immaturity when I should have behaved like an adult. You were there for me when i found out my cousin was murdered, I owe you my first born child lol
You changed my life! You believed in me! and I'm going to miss you while I'm gone, I'm going to miss coming to your house for NO reason and calling you for NO reason. I can only pray that I've been 1/3 of a sister that you've been to me :) While I'm gone... don't change! continue doing what you're doing, you inspire me to chase my dreams so I expect you to stay in the race! You embody perseverance so NEVER give up! I Love you and I thank you for being my friend (sister).
Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling. ~Pam Brown
Day 13: part 3: Letter to siblings ...my big sister
13) Your siblings (write a letter)
(as usual, the letters always tend to end up being the blogs I have to dig deep
within so I'll be writing 3 letters 1st to my lil bro, then my lil sis,
then to people I consider siblings :) (i'll add the letter M to the last letter)
To Darla B. Thank you,
You've been there for me since I was 13 years old. My big sister, 10 years later and you're STILL in my corner despite EVERYTHING we've been through! You've been there for me when my own family wasn't there. You've been there financially when I was going to be homeless, you've been there to dry my tears when life left me heartless. I've now matured into a woman and you still treat me like i'm 13 lol BUT I appreciate it! If I want an honest answer, I will always know who to call :)
I can't say Thank You enough for pushing me to give and do my best, you were in the audience during my first high school play, in the congregation when I was the early bird speaker, twice, in the stands when I graduated, in the courtroom when I had to go to honor court, twice... Thank You!
Also thank you to your family, ya'll invited me in for thanksgiving, Christmas & even family reunions... when I had no definition of family, you all redefined it and I'm forever indebted to you; THANK YOU
As I go on this date with destiny in Iowa, I thank you for pushing me!
A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. ~Toni Morrison
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day 13: Letter to siblings part 2: To a PEACE of my Heart, lil sis
13) Your siblings (write a letter)
(as usual, the letter always tend to end up being the blogs I have to dig deep
within so I'll be writing 3 letters 1st to my lil bro, then my lil sis,
then to people I consider siblings :) (i'll add the letter M to the last letter)
I was 10 years old and they told me I'd be a Big sis....AGAIN -______________- i guess NOone noticed my reaction to having a lil bro smh So now I not only have to share w/ Niran BUTTTT now I have the change diapers again, make bottles, and did I mention that I have to SHARE again (I'm not good at sharing, lol). But on June 18th I was the most excited kid in the world, I got a call that my mom had a baby and it was a girl :)Alafia (yes, like funga alafia, ashay ashay) but it means ... PEACE
Since that day, things haven't always been peaceful.
Being 10 years older than you, I was your mom!
Even now, I see you as a little me, my kid! Much like with Niran,
I despised you too, b/c I promise you
got EVERYTHING you wanted and to this day, If I want something....
if I can get you to want the same thing then I know we'll have it o_0 BUT that's
what happens when you're the youngest -_-
Anyway, what you don't know is that YOU INSPIRE ME. You push me to be smarter,
work harder, read bigger books, study longer b/c YOU ARE SOOOO smart!
You placed in the 90 percentile in Math & English in Wake County.
You place SECOND out of 75 kids in a NC State Chemistry class!
You are everything I was too scared to be:
compassionate, caring, sharing, selfless, and more importantly,
you put other's above yourself.
You ALWAYS think of ME.
I am HONORED to be YOUR Big sister!
No matter what we've been through you've ALWAYS been
sooooo easy to forgive And without you I NEVER would have learned to true definition of LOVE.
NEVER give up on yourself! You are the BRIGHTEST 13 year old that I know :)
Follow your heart, go to Yale, go to Princeton, go ANYWHERE (except for Dook)
and no matter what it looks like, NEVER GIVE UP! I BELIEVE IN YOU!
I believe that all the tears you've cried will NEVER be in vain!
I believe you will accomplish EVERY goal you set for yourself. 
I left Niran in charge of taking care of everybody while I'm gone
BUT I leave you in charge of LOVING EVERYONE:
my momma, my grandma, Claudia,
Maya, Naja, Matthias and Niran (and coffee) *and yes I did say Love Niran too*
You express love so easily
and have no problem being vulnerable....
So I challenge you to Hug them, Kiss them, Tell them you Love them
EVERY TIME you think of Me! Love yourself until you love ALL the hurt away :)
Love, Your Big Sis,
Sade
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Brother Dear ... Pt.1
13) Your siblings (write a letter)
(as usual, the letter always tend to end up being the blogs I have to dig deep
within so I'll be writing 3 letters 1st to my lil bro, then my lil sis,
then to people I consider siblings :) (i'll add the letter M to the last letter)
Niran,I remember when I was told I'd have a little brother ... I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!! The prospect of being able to take care of a baby made me TOO happy .... THEN I realized ... hey,this baby won't be a baby forever -_- so that means I HAVE to share with him, babysit him, watch after him, protect him, and be a "good" example -__________- that's NOT what I signed up 4
I didn't know how to love you and often I despised you b/c no matter what YOU did, I got in trouble! I felt
like I got pushed to the maximum and our family just let you skate by.... you could do no wrong and if you did
there was always someone there to make an excuse for you. But the more I grow up, I realize, I despised you b/c I despised MYSELF. Once I came to this reality, I figured out how to love you as my brother but by that time.... I was moving out the house, I'm sorry 0_o.
I Love you lil bro, I see the man that you will be if you are patient and give yourself a chance! You remind me SO much of myself, you're charismatic, you easily makes friends, resilient, and protective of your family! You WILL overcome EVERY statistic that's been placed on you b/c you are a black man! You will defy ANY generational curses! God has His hands on you and with maturity I KNOW you'll turn out a hansom gentleman. BUT know that no matter who old you get, how tall you get, you will ALWAYS be my little brother!
P.S. While I'm in Iowa... you, sir, are in charge! Take care of my momma, my grandma, Claudia, Maya, Naja, Lafi & Matthias (and coffee)! Don't do ANYTHING your Big sis wouldn't do :) and yes I'll be keeping tabs on your senior year of high school while I'm in a different timezone! I'm going to Iowa, not only to make my life better for myself, but for you & your future :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Day 12 of 26 (L)
Favorite cooking TV show
random Sade fact: If you turn on my tv at any random date/time 99% of the time my tv will be on Food Network! I <3 Food Network, Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, Cat Cora, Guy Fietti, Marc Conent, "The Chairman", Alton Brown, and I even watch it a lot in the throwback years w/ Rachel Ray& Emeril Lagasse *BAM!*
I said all that to say, it's VERY hard for me to pick my FAVORITE cooking show b/c I watch them all except for Barefoot Contessa <<< i HATE her food, it NEVER looks yummy -_-
But If I must ... I'll go w/ Iron Chef ... America
If you too are a Food Network fan then you know Iron Chef started in Japan
THEN came to America
I LOVE this show b/c of all the pressure, it's normally an awkward "secret ingredient" and it really challenges chefs.
Part II:
Today's Letter is "L" :
*I know this wasn't a serious post BUT I'm having some serious feelings..... this 1st song is from the heart ... Isley Brother's Living for the love of YOU*
Second song is less emotional - The song that made me fan of J.Cole - "Lights Please" and below it is a cover from a guy name "Crucial" ... I discovered him 2day and I like his version where he's telling a story of Domestic Violence
Friday, July 1, 2011
New news
I know ya'll nosey so ima keep it simple:
Who:
So let me start by saying THANK YOU LORD! secondly, Me
What/Where:
Well today I am proud to say I am leaving, I will be moving to Cedar Rapids, Iowa
When:
by July 25th.
Why:
I made a blog about a week ago about "Fast, Pray, Leave" Where I vaguely mentioned leaving...... The Lord had spoken to me while I was fasting/praying about getting into summer school that I would be ALONE for a season. I took this to mean, spending more time at home alone, not hanging out w/ my friends as much, etc....... Shortly after, I had a convo w/ Tamekia where she told me "sometimes you have to go away for awhile THEN come back and finish your goal" and that statement IMMEDIATELY clicked in my spirit. I applied for a position that was a promotion of my current position as a Supervisor to be a Senior Supervisor. However, I knew If I got the job i'd have to relocate to Iowa.... Well, I was offered the position today and I accepted :) Cedar Rapids here I come :)
Full Circle:
I applied to be a Senior Supervisor in Iowa & while I was interviewed for the position they let me know that I would only be a supervisor for a little while THEN move on to graduate services where I'll be traveling setting up call centers <<<<<<< THAT is what I wanted to do AFTER I got my degree from UNC .... they are hiring me for that job WITHOUT me having my degree yet .... JESUS..... So though I don't have my degree YET, I'm still qualified for the job
I said all that to say, YES I plan on finishing my degree at UNC-CH. THANK YOU to EVERY person that SUPPORTED me, PRAYED for me, BELIEVED in me, and even CRITICIZED me....
DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
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