" i just called to say... I LOVE YOU"

Love... such a heavy word that i was write and write and write and write about lol

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Day 24 ... Dear Mama - part 1

Day 24- A letter to your parents

****This blog made me dig WAAAAAAY within to figure out exactly what i wanted to say and how***** 

I decided to break this blog down into 4 parts to each of my 4 'parents': my mom, my grandma, my biological father, my step father.

Part 1

Dear Mama:

First of all, Thank You! Thank You for making the decision to keep me... you were 20 years old and just beginning life and you chose my life over pursuing you own personal hopes and dreams!  Thank You for not holding that against me and not reminding me everyday of the sacrifices you made to keep me :)

"And all my childhood memories, Are full of all the sweet things you did for me, And even though I act craaazy, I gotta thank the Lord that you made me" - 2pac

Second, I'm sorry! You paid for me to go to acting/dance/art classes and I disappointed you by wrecking my chance at acting .... :( We could have been rich right now, if i would have gone w/ Maya A. rather than Barney :( Though you'd probably never admit it, i know that I've disappointed you and haven't lived up to the standards that you raised me to live by and i apologize.  I should have graduated by now and I'm sorry that you aren't able to tell people your daughter graduated from UNC-Ch ... I'm working on it mom!  Sadly, it probably won't be on mother's day like i had imagined, it'll probably be December BUT I'm sure that won't matter lol just that i finally have the degree! 

"Forrest Gump mama said, life is like a box of chocolates, My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate, Something to fall back on, you could profit with, But still supported me when I did the opposite" - Kanye

Third, I Love You!  I Love You more than life itself and i know i don't tell you as much as i should BUT I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You taught my perseverance - I remember seeing you work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet.  You taught me how to make it through a struggle - i didn't know we were poor when we ate mayo between 2 crackers... BUT i now know how to struggle and make the best of it!  My favorite thing you taught me was personality... I'm sarcastic, because of you! I'm funny, because of you! I'm full of personality, because of you!  I love you for everything you are, for everything you aren't and for everything you made me!

"Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul"- Boyz II Men

Lastly, of course there are things about both of us, memories we have made that haven't been so good BUT what's most important is that we're in this together!!!!!

"I wish I could take the pain away, If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day, Everything will be alright if ya hold on, It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on, And there's no way I can pay you back, But my plan is to show you that I understand, You are appreciated" - 2pac

Day 23 outta 30 ... cravings

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot (so i just did 10 things)

1) Love ... I honestly just want 1 person in particular to love me again (the way they used to love me) and I'd do ANY & EVERYTHING I can to show them that I just want their love!  They feel like I'd treat them like crap BUT I won't ... I just want to be loved again!

2) Attention ... Who doesn't like to be in the spotlight?

3) Cream Soda ... it's soooo yummy! (p.s. I HATE root beer)

4) Birthday Cake Flavored Ice Cream (Edy's and Marvel make it) ... it will change ur life!

5) Sushi .... I could eat at Shiki and Kanki ... daily!

6) Taco bell .... it's my Fav fast food restaurant

7) Chicken n Dumplings .... I rarely get this (unless i eat @ mama dips .... NO ONE makes it anymore :(   )

8) Naja and Matthias ... I LOVE them  soooo much and I feel 10 times closer to my cousin when I see their smile, eyes, mannerisms, etc 

9) Money ... Money to be made ... bets believe Sade got it! 

10) Acceptance ... i just want to be accepted for who i am and who I'm not ... all my shortcomings and all my highlights

Day 22 of 30

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

i don't know what makes me different from everyone so i'll just send you to this blog and you can see what makes me different, I guess... http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2010/12/what-will-they-say-about-me-when-im.html

Day 21 of 30 ... #Fridaynightlights

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

i know of 1 person that makes me sooooo happy :) ... too bad i didn't get my 23rd bday wish BUT i know he's a busy man and i STILL love him!

Cole and I after UNC concert

Cole and I @ CIAA ... thanx Mek!

Cole and I during Que Conclave!

Cuffing Season ... day 20 of 30 ...

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Let me 1st say that I am NOT a 'typical' black female:


1) I don't believe "ALL" men are dogs ... i think there are some GREAT men out there .... now 1 of them has 2 find me :)


2) I believe in saving myself til marriage .... this seems to be a point of contention with 'most' men b/c they don't want to wait for the reward smh


3) I believe in the 'traditional' view of marriage... the wife should submit to the husband! Relationships are 50/50, you give and you take but ultimately the man is the head of the household!

Cuffing Season:

Ok as far as who i see myself marrying, I think he has to be HILARIOUS!  (Honestly, it's sad how much i laugh in 1 day smh so he HAS to be able to keep me laughing/ have a sense of humor).  He'll be a man with character, I'm very serious about actions over words, so he will certainly have integrity and character.  I see myself with someone who's more quiet than myself.... I tend to be LOUD, charismatic, very outgoing so i think to have a perfect balance he'll be more laid back, quieter than myself.  All in All, I just think that he'll love me for me :)  Love me for my failures, push me towards/thru my goals, kiss me just because, make me breakfast even if he can't cook, call/text just because, send me flowers even though i don't like flowers lol, and i just hope that i can affect his life AS MUCH as he will affect mine! 

30 day Blog Challenge ... day 19 "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

***let it be known that i prefer plain ole Sade BUT i don't mind S dot .... i HATE Sharde, Saaaade, De' and Sadie****

1) Gilbert (got this 1 from Stacey in 5th grade and it stuck up until high school... i don't remember how 1 gets a nickname like this in the 5th grade???) 

2) Shar-de (most of my family calls me this -______- b/c sha-day is soooo difficult to pronounce)

3) Shar (my big sis calls me this .... as a parody of "shar-de")

4) Sadie (my Aunt and people i worked with at kohl's call me this to get on my nerves)

5) De' (an ex-roommate called me this and it has since caught on -_____-)

6) S dot (I created this 1 myself ... It was originally S.G. (S dot G dot) BUT my phonathon pplz shortened it to just S.) 

 ** FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AND ADD OTHER ONES AND WHY***

Day 18 out of 30-60-90 (smh)

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Well first off  "if they don''t know your dreams ... they can't shoot em' down"- j.cole

So I won't be going in-depth but I will share this:

1) graduate

2) work for Ruffalo CODY .... since I've been working at the Phonathon for like 5 years, I've raised about $100,000 alone and about $10 million as a call center.  I would like to continue working with Ruffalo CODY b/c they are a GREAT company and many of their positions peak my interest :) (I'll probably do that for about 3-5 years)

3) going into sales.... so let's say I'm worth $100,000 as of 23 years old.... if I work for the company for another 3-5 years lets say that number goes up to me being worth $1M by the time I'm 28 .... i can probably work for ANY development office, sales company, marketing, lobbying etc

4) I plan on working in that (sales, lobbying, marketing) until I'm financially stable THEN... I'll then pursue my actual "Dream"

17 outta 30 :) WWJ (Job)D?

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

I juggled between wanting to switch with: Oprah, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, (Mainly because I want to FILTHY RICH$$$$$$$) Jesus (Noble effort),  Maya Angelou (PAID writer), Langston Hughes (great legacy + he's a que and a great writer) 

BUT I decided upon *****insert drum roll***

JOB (not mon-fri job BUT Job in the Bible)

Why: 

When I go through trials/tribulations in life I often identify most with Job.  (I have a friend who read like a chapter of Job a night as well... s/o to MaTekia --- Who is also NOW BLOGGING ... check her out at http://unapologeticallymek.tumblr.com/ <<< ok shameless plug over)

****Back to Job****

1) I would be pissed if I was Job b/c most 'saints' quote Job when they feel like God has forsaken them "thou He slay me, yet will I trust Him"  But in all reality they may have gotten their refund check late, ran out of gas, got a flat tire etc, something that DOES NOT count as God "forsaking" you.  So I partially chose Job as an ode to his struggle, to actually see/feel/smell what he experienced. God hand-picked him to "spar" with the devil and for that i think he deserves a lil switch-a-roo for a day :)

2) I want to be Job: To instill some more character, humility, patience, forgiveness in myself.  To dull my sense of entitlement, selfishness, spolied-ness, and judgmental attitude.  I figured if I can survive ONE DAY at the literal "hand of the devil" then i have NO REASON to complain about my life, family, and especially health.

Extra Links:

1) Bible Gateway to reading the book of Job: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+1&version=NIV 

2) If you don't want to read he whole book here's the main points in the book of Job: http://www.foundationsforfreedom.net/References/OT/Poetical/Job/Job00_Overview.html

Sometimes you have to FORGET what you WANT and REMEMBER what you DESERVE :(

Love .... *big sigh* such a 'HEAVY' word! I could type on and on and on and on about all the things you can do to RUIN love, KILL love, TAKE AWAY love and a HOST of other things you can do to make love negative!

BUT for a brief moment I want to touch on the positive in love and my FAVORITE feature of Love: 

2nd CHANCES!

See I know what love feels like when it's all new and gooey BUT right now I'm experiencing love when it is NOT on my side :(

I'll be the 1st to admit that i was TERRIBLE at love, I didn't treat you the way you should have been treated.... i didn't respect the love/care/concern that you had for me... i just figured you'd be here FOREVER BUT 1 single day changed that!  Since that day, love hasn't been the same, it's like you SHUT-DOWN a part of your heart towards me and you are just COLD! ....'I can't locate where your heart is'

I have a message for everybody reading my blog ... I am SORRY for hurting you!

If you've ever been in love and the other party hurt you whether they cheated, betrayed your trust, gambled all your money away, forgot your bday... whatever it is they did.... if you know they are SORRY and would lay down their life for you ... PLEASE DON'T PUNISH THEM FOREVER!

Give them an opportunity to prove their love for you, let them earn their way back into your heart ... GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE .... WHY? .......Because Love HEALS ALL HURT! Love SHOULD heal ALL hurt

I know that no good (bad) deed goes unpunished BUT if you truly loved them before, don't withdraw your love from them b/c they can go

INSANE ....

What will they say about me when i'm gone?

This is a collage of the statuses i got yesterday while playing the numbers game :) The statuses INSPIRED me b/c positive words are like positive reinforcement :)  I've always wondered what people would say about me after i die .... BUT i much rather know how people feel while i'm alive :)

#11 Beautifully Intelligent! Crazy! Hysterically Funny! Crazy! Emotionally Stirred! Crazy! Incredibly Talented! Crazy! Abundantly Blessed! Crazy! Transparently Alive! Crazy! Willfully Giving! Crazy! Unapologetically Saved! Crazy! Unashamedly You! ...pause...Eternally My Friend :-)! You are your own biggest obstacle, bu...t once you get past you, you will run Tirelessly, and you will Win. ♥

 

#11 You are one of my truest friends and one of the few that I know will be in my life for many years to come. I love you sooo much and it's been a pleasure watching you become who you are. You are a fighter and though you had every reason in the world to give up and call it quits you never did. When we were younger we... always competed but we always could celebrate each other:)

 

#11 (Female) You are a very 'unique' person lol ....you can be very trying at times, yet you're pretty awesome at other times. I have truly enjoyed this rollercoaster of a friendship that we've had and I wouldn't change anything about it. You are a very bright, young lady (seriously) and I can't wait for the day that ...you put that intelligence to use so that we can finally go to Brasa (inside joke) LOL.

 

#11 this nig...lol naw but for real i never would have imagined that we would have grown so close in such a short time! I didn't realize the impact tht you would have on my life when we first met but i can def say that i really do consider you one of my good friends now and thats something cuz u kno how antisocial i am... lol. you are one of the funniest/realist ppl i kno n i appreciate you being around n there for me!

 

#11 i have known u for a minute..we had some fun times at work...i know i can always count on you for a laugh..ur fun to be around and an overall great person..hopefully we can hang out when I get back to NC

 

720...u just had to pick that number..lmao...i always go to that "place" looking forward to the stories u have to tell..u keep me rollin girl..lol..love ya

 

#720. Troublemaker. My partner in crime @ work. Can take me from wanting 2 steal off on someones face 2 laughing about it in seconds. ALWAYS has something 2 say. *hand gesture*Awesome!-ly sarcastic. Hates "incompetence". Loves the fresh smell of "Go...rdon" in the morning. The only one "Angry Steven" ever liked. Woot.

 

#11 Busy Body, everywhere all the time. Very beautiful, with a great smile and personality to match.

11:: funny chick, real cool personality

 11 you've always been cool peoples. I miss game nights like crazy. Those were honestly some of the best nights in college

#13 A very good friend that should've told me long time ago you had a crush on me cause you a sweetheart and ain't no telling where we would be today!

#11 You are a very nice person! You're one of the most real people I've ever met and you always keep the music and laughter!

 

Day 16 of the 30 Day CHALLENGE

The Challenge: Day 16- Another picture of yourself

I LOVE THIS pic of myself :) the ONLY thing that would make this pic better is highlighting 1 of my dimples :( ... #TeamNatural (no make up) Beauty

Day 15 of 30 day challenge

The Challenge: Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Judge away based on these 10 songs smh

1) Dueces (C.breezy, Tyga and a que named Kevin McCall) << i prefer the remix now

2) Apple Pie a la Mode (Destiny's Child)  <<< Survivor is my 2nd fav DC3 album (Writings on the wall = #1) 

3) Seattle (Mary Mary) <<<< I LOVE this song and "the Sound" album! ... actually ALL the Mary Mary albums ... i would listen to them sing their A,B,C's

4) Have you Ever (Brandy) .... YES I have loved someone so much that it made me cry :-/

5) Drop it Low Remix (Diddy, Weezy, Trigga, and Chris) <<< weezy f baby ... tat it on her butt!

6) Chariot (Gavin Degraw) <<< I LOVE HIM!!"Oh chariot, your golden waves" and "I don't wanna be anything other than what i been tryna be lately"

7) Gorgeous (kanye)  <<<< wish this was 'Blame game' so i could say yeezy taught me) << "the same ppl that tried to black ball me forgot about 2 things ...."

8) All Cried Out (Allure and 112) <<< "but the traffic was so noisy that you COULD NOT HEAR ME CRYYYYYYYYY"  I LOVE a good remake :)

9) They ain't JE (Jagged Edge) <<< THROWBACK

10) This is Why I'm Hot Remix (M.I.M.S) <<< what ever happened 2 him (in my reggae voice) ???

Challenge Day 14/30 :)

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

soooo I have A LOT of family sooo i'm going to show you a couple excerpts :)

This is my nuclear fam ... mom, grandma, lil bro and lil sis

the most ppl 4rm my fam in this! i'm in the lower right :)

 

 

 

my sisters b4 Lafi lol Neka & maya

the LOVES of my life :) Neka's kids

most of my cousins :) i'm top left

The Process

2 Sunday's ago I was in the shower at my friend's house and I was telling her how much I NEEDED to go to church that day.... as I began to say "I NEED A MIRACLE form God TODAY", I caught myself....

I felt convicted because:
1) When I apply for a job, I EXPECT to go through an INTERVIEW PROCESS
2) When I make a payment online, I EXPECT for the bank to PROCESS my payment
3) When I take a standardized test, I EXPECT them to PROCESS my score
4) When I apply to school, I EXPECT to go through an application PROCESS

HOWEVER, when I ask/elicit/want/beg  for a miracle/blessing/favor/etc from God... I DON'T EXPECT to WAIT or go through a PROCESS... I WANT IT NOW!

I realized in that moment that I often PIMP God b/c I often only think of Him as a LAST resort! I lean on God after I've done ALL that I can do and I need Him to FIX IT (QUICKLY)!  I turn on my gospel playlist to show God that I'm serious and as SOON as He does whatever it is I've asked for .... I'm back to Lucifer (ye and hov song). 
What I want is the "while on other's tho art calling, do not pass me by" God... I don't care for the "if you're luke warm I'll vomit you out" God.
So I'm a PIMP .. I want God, when I WANT God, and when I don't want God, I don't WANT God, and I want a God that understand that!

In other areas of my life, I don't mind waiting because I know it is a PROCESS but I expect God to be a magician and fortunately sometimes He does show up exactly when I "need" Him BUT in the times He hasn't ... I've realized that maybe He's trying to show me that I can't pimp him! He should run my life when things are going great and when they are going bad because it is a part of the PROCESS of being a Christian.  I can't call myself a disciple of Christ when I only pray when I feel like it OR when i "want" something...

So I said all that to say: being a Christian is a PROCESS and just like with other things in life where we HAVE to go through the PROCESS before we can get an answer/job/education/score/etc.... same goes with God... stay faithful DURING the PROCESS THEN you can POSSESS the BLESSINGS that come along w/ the PROCESS!

Day 13 of 30

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Sade,

It took me awhile to do this blog because it really meant that i had to admit how much i hurt myself.  It's never easy to realize that the person who holds you back the most issssssss often .... YOURSELF!  However, the worst part of hurting yourself is not being smart enough to STOP smh.  (P.S. by hurt myself I don't mean slitting my wrist or anything)

I mean:

1) Settling for less than i deserve in relationships/friendships

2) NOT motivating myself (i have a bad habit of not studying AS IF i can just pass a test .... on sheer brilliance smh)

3) Loving other people MORE than i love myself

4) Apathy

5) Not budgeting

honestly the list goes on and on and on of things/habits/thoughts i have that in NO WAY contribute to my future... 

Worst/Best part of this hurt though is GROWTH and MATURITY

Love, Sade