21 ... get some Adele in our life :)

 This song touches my soul.....

I heard, that your settled down.
That you, found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold it back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.

You'd know, how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summer haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you say:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay.

Nothing compares, no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you say:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yay yeh yeah.

Letter to my Cousin

I promised myself that after you died, i would REMIND every1 of who were so that your death wouldn't be in vain.  I miss you Cuzzo.... 

*I read this Letter to my cousin at her funeral*

The UnSpoken Effect of Domestic Violence:

The Loss of My Cousin, My Sister, My Friend –Nneka Talibah Sutton

By: Sade Uniqua Gilbert

November 23^rd 1982 was when your mother had the strength to push you through

She didn’t know then that her baby girl, would tremendously affect this world.

See even though your life was cut short at the hands of someone who claimed love

You now will live on in the lives of those you touched and you can look on from above.

Nneka will see me walk across the stage at UNC-Ch; she will see her mother raise her kids with the same integrity and love that she was raised in.  She’ll see Maya get a diploma in June 2007, and even though in flesh she won’t be here she’ll meet us one day in heaven.

The news and the lawyers may say you died for a number of reasons, but I know the Lord took you, because it was the end of your season.

Even though God’s will is sometimes hard to digest, every woman and man should look at your life as a test.

It’s not a test with A’s, B's, C's, or D’s but a test of never accepting violence domestically.

I know you stayed because of the kids and you hoped things would get better

But seeing it now, I wish you would have left so I wouldn’t have to read this letter.

However, now I have to spread the word, since you are no longer here

Please, never turn your head to domestic violence, nor lend a deaf ear

I wouldn’t ever wish this on anybody’s daughter to have her lying here

I do however wish everyone your honor, strength, and beauty to weather life’s storms

Lord fill us with your joy to help us carry on.

Nneka you’ll never be replaced, we’ll never forget that smile on your face, and I pray for grace and peace to surround everyone in this place.

So that when we leave we never forget her story, and that we go out and teach the world that in all things God shall get the glory!

Day 30 ... the END

Day 30- Who are you? 

I can't believe i am FINISHED w/ this Blog challenge!!!!!!!!!! Thank you to EVERY single person who is read daily/weekly/monthly ... I hope in these 30 days (aka 120 days) you have learned things about me that i wouldn't tell a soul lol I'm excited to be closing this chapter of the blog and i'm ready for the new one around the corner ;) Again, THANK YOU for listening to my Heart's song .... Unique Cadence 

*i'm writing this off the top of my head ... i'm an artist and i'm sensitive about my _____* (badu)

Who am I?

I'm simply complex, passionately calm, commonly unique and a whole bunch of other synonyms and Antonyms.

I am contradiction

I'm the person when you think of when it's time to have game night!

I'm the Spades/phase10/Monopoly Queen

I'm the lady you long for after you realize your ex lacks personality

I talk in Sarcasm

I'm the one who will drive to the end of the world, just to make you see that I LOVE YOU!

I am Love

I'm that feeling you get after life kicks you down and you get up and fight back :) 

I am resilience

I'm the daughter, you've prayer for...

i am intelligent

I'm the one you think of when you can't think of lyrics

I am MUSIC

I'm Me

I'm Sade

Day 29 of 30 ... live. learn. love

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

I learned about:

communication - There was someone in my life that i hadn't talked to since Oct of 2009 and recently i had a conversation with them and it was certainly a freeing experience.  I had forgiven them a LONG time ago BUT I hadn't spoken with them in about 1.5 years.  Within that convo i agreed that communication is best.... I decided that day that if I'm such a good writer THEN I should certainly not pick and choose who/when/where/why to communicate with people, but to communicate with everyone b/c it makes life LESS complicated!

redemption - In life you can make some mistakes in love that you would NEVER imagine.  You can love a person so much that you THINK you could never hurt them to a point where they'll ever question your love for them BUT a couple mistakes later ..... they don't trust you.  When you really, genuinely, love someone, them not knowing IF you love them can cut you deeper than a sword.  At first you don't think you should have to re-prove your love BUT after much consideration..... you realize the trust has to be re-established!  So, I learned this month that it's going to take TIME and lots of EFFORT to prove that ultimately, i do love you!  I love you without hesitation .... So until you "feel my love".... I'll be paying an atonement of love .... redemption

Day 28 of 30 .... changes?

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

How have I changed? I think I'm striving towards my goals of being a better person.  I was a lot more selfish, egotistical, rude than i am now.... I wasn't as confident in my ability to graduate BUT now I am.  I'm definitely more grounded in my faith.  Honestly, i have a LONG road ahead to become the BEST person I can be BUTTTT I'm certainly further along now than before.  

Day 2...Caskets or Roses for Valentines Day...choose LIFE over VIOLENCE

**My cousin's mom wrote this in response to my cousin's death and i think it's FAR better than any blog i could EVER write b/c it's from a mother's perspective.*** 

This is Domestic Violence

by Maya Sutton on Monday, February 14, 2011 at 6:55pm

(about my sister Nneka)-Written by my mother, Claudette Hill

This is domestic violence. My daughter Nneka, mother of 2 young children, was heinously and atrociously stabbed to death by her husband. Six months prior to her death he attempted to choke her to death. She spent that night with me. We took a walk and she showed me the bruises on her neck. I told her to get the children and leave. She had many excuses for staying, one being to not give up her new home. He lured her to him when she stepped out of the shower. He stabbed her when she approached him. While he was stabbing her she told him that “you don’t have to do this” and he continued. He broke one knife off in her and dragged her to the kitchen to get another knife to continue. He assumed his two year old was asleep, but he saw him stabbing her and later tried to awake his mother. He left her naked body on the floor dying with the children in bed while he went to get his passé in her car to make the murder appear gang related. He took money from her wallet for gas. He returned and wrote on the floor in her blood. Again he left with the children in bed supposedly asleep for several hours; he returned at 6:00 and reported a break in. Today is Valentine’s Day and the person who is physically or emotionally abusive probably is giving you a gift and declaring his love for you and promising that it will never happen again. He promised that same thing to Nneka. I spent Valentine’s Day of 2007 picking out my daughter’s pink casket. Don’t let this be you. GET OUT! 

Nneka’s mom.

 http://www.wral.com/news/local/video/1203480/#/vid1203480

Neka Talibah Sutton ... Day 1

I woke up Feb 13, 2007... running late! I normally watched the news so i could see the weather before class.... i skipped that step today.

I was at work study ... Moneika calls/text to see what I'm doing , we concluded we should meet up for dinner (nothing abnormal)

Shortly after... Kisha calls and decides she's going to dinner with Moneika and I (not abnormal)

Shortly after that.... Brittani calls and says she too will be coming 2 my room after we get back from dinner (abnormal)

After i got off at work study, we went to B'Ski's, then came back to HJ North ...

I see Moneika take a call and say "we almost got her there", i go in my room, everybody is sitting around and I'm like let's play family feud .... they all looking around at each other (awkward turtle) They rushed me to eat ... i took a bite of my ski

(as i was chewing my phone rang)

it was my mom .... i answered and said i was busy, and hung up.  My mom calls back, i don't answer, and my friend's tell me to answer .... I'm confused *still chewing*

(I answer the phone)

My mom said "i have something to tell you..." (she's crying) I immediately think "who died".... she says "neka was killed this morning" ... *i spit my food out*

I ask "is she ok? which hospital is she at? Where's Maya? Where's Claudette?" (not realizing killed = dead)....

I tell her there must be some mistake .... she told me it was on the news

I tell Moneika to turn on the tv .... *she turns to the news.....*

I see a helicopter circling Neka's house and saying 24 year old Nneka Wilson was found dead this morning ... they showed a note written in her blood *i became sick*

I told Moneika to turn off the tv ... *she turns it off*

I break down.......it's the kind of hurt when you just want to vomit.... you want to make the world stop b/c EVERYTHING is spinning.....I cried like i had NEVER cried.... i kicked my door, broke the plastic on the back of the door, couldn't make it to the room at the end of the hall .... my friends came and got me out the hallway... i screamed and i yelled..... only to realize an hour later .... my cousin wasn't coming back.....

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1203107/

Day 27 of 30 - Almost done

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Honestly, I did it because i thought it was going to be easy for me to just practice writing more....  However, 90 something days later, this blog made me dig DEEP inside myself to find the answers to this Challenge.  I typically like challenges BUT this one was AMAZING.... I appreciate Jordan Boone for introducing me to this :) 

I hope that everyone was able to learn something about me, my beliefs, my family, my friends and most important about YOURSELF.  I want to inspire you to challenge yourself, start a blog.... it's such a freeing experience.  I've had people come up to me and talk about my blog and i appreciate YOU, the readers who support and even those who disagree with my methods.  I'm just trying to be a better person (and no it's not cliche' yet lol) and until this blog no longer helps me and others.... I'll continue to share!

God Bless You!

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 26- What you think about your friends

 *I decided the easiest way for me to do this would be to work from the friends I've known the longest to shortest ... and not get too in-depth cuzzz (this would be a LONG blog) ALSO I'm going to use alias, even tho they"ll know who they are lol*

Small teeth- I LOVE THIS GIRL! Like we've been through some serious issues and our friendship has been tried SEVERAL times YET we are still friends.  We can go months w/ out talking on the phone BUT when we do... you'd never know it lol I'm sooooo proud of you and even tho you are only older than me (by 20 days) you have taught me SEVERAL things! I love you and I appreciate you for being my friend :)

Quazi - (LMBO @ the only nickname i could think of b/c i call you by your initials smh) yo, i LOVE you kiddo! You remind me so much of me, your strength, your resilience, your fight!  I appreciate you being my friend through the good & the bad, the rumors and the lies.... Thank You! continue to do what you're doing, and i KNOW you'll make it!

Sade (cuz ur middle name is my 1st name) - even tho we aren't BFFs anymore, i want you to know that i LOVE you! You were my BEST friend during some of the most critical years of my life :) We had ups and downs, fights in art class, arguments in algebra (over ur dandruff LMBO), but in the end, i chose to be your friend over the peer pressure 2 act a FOOL!  You made me want to lived a saved life, reminded me to count on God when NO ONE else was a around and i REALLY miss your presence in my life! I love u! I'm SOOOO proud of you!

Miss New Booty- (I am getting MUCH entertainment with these nicknames) anyways, I remember the time i met you in the bathroom and thought you were the NICEST person in the world (only to realize you're RUDE) lol i Love u! I am soooo proud to see you go from "miss private" to someone i can always depend on for unbiased advice!  You moved to another state and still came to visit me & even tho you wanted to KILL me when we were suite mates our friendship survived HJ North lol I'm soo proud of you Dr,PA,MPH, ;)

Sharee - I met you to that faithful day in the bathroom and i thought you were the MEANEST lol (only to find out you have the KINDEST heart ... EVER) I Love YOU! Who would have known that after meeting you in HJ North ... I'd have to talk to you EVERYDAY to figure out what to wear, how to text, when not to skip class, annnnnd which underwear i should put on (j/k).  You honestly are more like a mother to me and i APPRECIATE you loving me despite my bi-polarness smh.  I thank you for your NEVER moving faith in yourself and your dreams! Thank You for being my friend (golden girls)

cONcEntric- mannnnnnnnnnnn we have been through some thangs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol i Love you b/c you ALWAYS give me a perspective that i NEVER expect.  I'm having a bad day and you tell me about sum1 who's house burnt down, has 3 kids and living out a suit case and all of a sudden..... my day doesn't seem THAT bad!  You were with me during some very difficult times (you even saved my life) and for that alone, i OWE you my life.  I appreciate you showing a GREAT example of an independent women!

L. - (i was tempted 2 put the whole thing BUTTTTT i don't want you 2 get mad) I met you over a Phase 10 game and 6 years later, you are the big sister that i never had!  We bump heads like non-other BUT i also love you like non-other!  I appreciate you teaching me about SURVIVING during adversity!  You bring out the fight in me ... to not only fight you BUT fight statistics, the pitfalls of the enemy, my inner demons and I LOVE YOU for EVERYTHING. 

Keep yo key 3 stacks- You saved my LIFE! I remember meeting you across the bathroom and was accused of stealing your pen lol and since i walked across that bathroom ... you NEVER left me alone -_- i'd walk in and you would be in MY room, in MY bed...chillen smh .... we've had our share of ups and downs ESP when you were @ mandatory dodge ball tournaments ... LMBO but on the real, i am soooo proud of you!  You didn't get a job straight out of school, so what did you do? get an internship and kept it moving and i LOVE your ability to pick up the pieces and continue.  We've cried together, laughed together and in the end you literally saved my life ... i LOVE YOU and I owe you my all!

Ram Village 3 - I LOVE YOU GUYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol ya'll were here for me at a time when i NEEDED it the most! My academic life was breaking down and i remember crying and crying and crying in Ram Village 3 ... i Appreciate  each 1 of you for loving me and taking out time in your busy schedules for my random emotional visits/sleepovers lol.  VD- you are a prayer WARRIOR and I thank you for sharing your testimony, you are AWESOME and i LOVE YOU. Cyst- LMBO i Love you soooo much! you know JUST what to say to break any awkward moment and that's a difficult task! Wolfdog - we thought u was CRAZZZZZZY lol BUT underneath that shell lied the most KIND person i've ever met! I LOVE YOU ... you've provided me soooo much encouragement and welcomed me into your family :)


Superior - Wow, I've known you the shortest ....and I still LOVE YOU! You've been there for me through some very difficult situations!!!!!  I don't remember how nor what day we became friends BUT what i Do know is I'm SOOO glad we did! I give you a hard time b/c you're like a 2nd little sister to me.  I want you to be the BEST at everything (lol even stepping) and you often remind me of myself.  Thank You for all the joy you've bought into my life in such a short time. I LOVE YOU (and the redz 0_o)

Couple Shout Outs b/c I def don't want to leave anybody out

T, Uppity, Deed, Kim, Toya, Chonya, Dez, Chaunacie (I love you ladies too and i think you all are educated, beautiful and will certainly achieve ALL our dreams .... Thank you for taking me in when i was a freshman ... i LOVE YOU ALL)

Special s/o to the men in my life that are the BEST male friends EVER.... I LOVE ALL ya'll soooo much and know that you will make GREAT husbands! Thank You for being my friend!!!!!!!!!: Corey, Julian, Chris, & Gary

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Challenge: Day 25- What I would find in your bag
*i fit 31 things in my Daisy Fuentes bag :)*
 *pictures below smh*

1) my Wallet
2) work schedule
3) Women's accessory
4) lotion
5) UNC School of Law chocolate bar (lol long story)
6) earphone
7) camera
8) batteries (lol for the camera.... u nasty!)
9) 2 plastic spoons (fat kid)
10) Camera USB cord
11) highlighters (student 1st)
12) cough drops
13) 1/2 of a mirror (dunno where the rest is smh)
14) phone case
15) click it or ticket thingy (dunno where it cam from)
16) Wet wipes
17) Box Cutters (don't test me lol)
18) another set of keys (to my momma house and other people's spare keys)
19) my regular set of keys
20) pencils
21) bottle of pills
22) hair clips and ties
23) lip gloss
24) 2 jump drives (from the school of Law)
25) orajel (i had a tooth ache)
26) 2009 Homecoming step show program (ok that's embarrassing)
27) Asthma Pump
28) Love Spell Roll on oil (hood ish)
29) Nose Ring
30) eye drops
31) nose spray (i have allergies)

Day 24 ... A grandma's love - Part 4

Day 24: Write a letter to your parent's

****This blog made me dig WAAAAAAY within to figure out exactly what i wanted to say and how***** 

I decided to break this blog down into 4 parts to each of my 4 'parents': my mom, my grandma, my biological father, my step father.

Dear Grandma

"Gloria, My Gloria, I don't want to see, Another day, without your Love" - Enchantment


I came to the realization the other day that you have to live FOREVER!!!!!! My grandma is my rock, she taught me how to read and to write, tie my shoes, how to spell, she taught me my 1st sentence (my first words were g-o, t-o, b-e-d) I think i owe her slightly for realizing how intelligent i was at such a young age :)

I am SOOOO proud of my grandma, she graduated from Fayettville State when she like 54 with a degree (and lived ON CAMPUS) and I'm still trying to figure out HOW lol Like why is school soooo "hard" for me but she took 21 credit hours her senior year and complete her degree program successfully smh

She's patient, tender hearted and believes deep down that people are good and look out for the best interest of other people ( I don't posses ANY of these attributes smh)

Thank You Grandma for ALL the things you've added to my life and lessons (good and bad) that you've taught me!

Consecration 2011 Wrap Up

Well as of, 12:30pm (roughly) Consecration 2011 is OVER :)

I'm all honesty, I plan on 

1) Listening 2 LOTS of j.cole and changing my radio station from the Light

2) going to the 1st drive thru (preferably Cook-Out)

3) Drinking some SODA and hope it doesn't burn my throat 

Now as far as consecration itself i learned SOOOO much about myself

1) I have GROWN a lot more as a person:  My moms and grandma always said "when you're grown you don't have to tell people.... they already know" and that is so true.  I don't have to broadcast that Ive grown and matured ... people should be able to tell from my conversations, statuses, poems, etc.  I'm trying to be BETTER but i have certainly experienced a LOT of GROWTH in the last 36 days :) Thank You Lord!

2) I have GOT to figure out which ministry at WOCC I'll be helping with!!!!! Faithfulness if a REQUIREMENT in the Kingdom and if I'm not showing myself faithful in some area of ministry then I'm just a "viewer" at Church and i desire to be a "server" ;) sooo a decision will be made ASAP!

3)  my prayer list still stands.   I'm still working on becoming a better person and I think I am WELL on my way with Much prayer and supplication.  So tho consecration is "over" i still plan on living a consecrated lifestyle b/c that's the ONLY way to hear from God regularly. And encourage you all to live a BALANCED lifeKeep Him FIRST! ..... There is nothing wrong w/ going to the club, playing spades, God wants us to have FUN .... BUT God wants to be 1st ... so YES spend 11 hours of your day doing what you want BUT spend the other 13 focused on God ....

4) life is SHORT.... I blog from my HEART so that if something does happen to me ... people will KNOW who i was and what i stood for!  It's my Internet diary and a healthy place of expression for me :) The Lord knows I'm still growing and i appreciate you all for growing with me :)

Clarification of Letter to my Step Dad

I'm not one to rewrite or disspell what people "think" about what i have to say about either of my parents BUTTTTTTT b/c I truly am concerned that when people read my words that they understand my HEART sooo i am going to clarify somethings:

 

1) DIVORCE: 

A- I am NOT upset that my parents are divorcing!  I think some people FAIL at marriage and this was the case, i think BOTH my MOTHER and my STEPFATHER are both EQUALLY responsible for a FAILED marriage!  My blog was NOT meant to make it seem like ONLY HE was to blame.  I lived with BOTH of them for 14 years and they provided a PERFECT example of the marriage I DO NOT WANT TO EVER HAVE!!!!!!

B- Clarification: I'm not upset with him for divorcing my mom, I'm upset with him for leaving the house in foreclosure KNOWING my mom doesn't have a job!

2) VIOLENCE:

A- A lot of people see my step dad as a mild tempered man BUT b/c I've lived with him for 14 years, I've seen him on some very ill tempered days! Now my mom is a handful and personally i applaud the man for living with her for 14 years, she is NOT mild tempered and certainly speaks her mind (that is where i get it from).

B- People say i never got my step dads side of the story HOWEVER i actually never got my mother's side of the story either ..... I GOT THE EYE WITNESS SIDE OF THE STORY who SAW him hit her soooooooo i do not "need" either of their sides of this story b/c there was an EYE witness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

3) mom never met you:

a- yes b/c she's met you, i now have a little brother and sister ... GREAT

b- If the PRICE of her knowing you meant = them coming into the world, me and my siblings having to witness a marriage fail, THEM having to go through this divorce WITH y'all .... then like i said ... I wish she never met him!  

**side comments*** 

A lot of people KNOW that i don't "care" for my step dad and i think when they read the blog they took it as me "slandering" his name .... I have NO REASON to lie .... this is FACTUAL information! This is MY account, NOT my moms, my brother, my grandmas .... MINE....

1) if my roommate writes and blog and says Sade is the MOST disgusting roommate EVER .... my best friend can't say to her; "oh, you don't know what you're talking about, etc b/c Sade's my best friend" .... why??? b/c my best friend DOES NOT LIVE WITH ME so she can't get a 100% account of how disgusting I am.... correct?

*** News Flash: I LIVED with him for 14 YEARS .... don't tell me that i don't "know" this man b/c he is your son, brother, dad, cousin, best friend, etc ..... YOU DID NOT LIVE WITH US and thereby you have NO IDEA what ACTUALLY went on in the confines of MY house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

2)  My mom: my mom is  VERRRRRRRRRRY difficult person to deal with ... IN FACT she and I bumped heads MORE than he and I did! There were SEVERAL times he had to diffuse arguments between my mom and I .... but guess what??? I didn't commit to marriage vows with my mom, now did I? I'm not married to Wanda, she my mom and i have NEVER painted her to be innocent b/c she is NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

3) Contrary to popular belief, i DO NOT hate him!  I have forgiven him and MOVED ON .... I'm a grown woman, paying my own bills, i do NOT live in their house anymore soooo i have NO motivation to "slander" is name .... if I hated him ... would I really have given all that background about why/when i Loved him? ..... Didn't think so!

4) my blog: When i first started this blog i said:

this blog is my space to express my unique thoughts, expressions, characteristics and opinions in a distinctive way, a way in which should signify to you the reader (listener) to pause and listen to my heart's cadence.

Now, a couple housekeeping rules:

1) I'm human! I'm Sade and NO I'm not always RIGHT! if you're looking for/expecting perfection ... look somewhere else!

2) NO JUDGING! The Bible makes it pretty clear; judge not, lest ye be judged!

3) this is MY life.... if you're in/have been/going to be in MY LIFE ... then expect to see your name AND/OR alias used ;) If you have a problem w/ it ... STOP READING in 5....4....3.... NOW!

3) let's just have fun! this is a learning experience for me and for you so put on your seat belts ... let's go!

and ..... these "rules" still stand #thatisall

... letter to my step dad ....: part 3 of Day 24

Let me start out and say, i LOVED my step dad!!!!!!!! My mom met him when i was like 5 & i was SOOO excited to have a DADDY!  I mean he couldn't move without me being there.  He would take me 2 the park, carry me in the house when i fell asleep in the car, read me books, take me everywhere and i loved him with all my heart for being my Dad! .... (until i was about 9) AND THEN MY WORLD CHANGED

I pissed off my cousin off 1 day and she got even by asking me how was it that i was born in 1987 BUT my "daddy" didn't get to America until 1991 ....(her point was to prove to me that he wasn't my dad ... and her point was proven) From that day on, he and I have had a rocky relationship ... i felt like my parents took advantage of the fact that i would believe ANYTHING when i was 5 and told me he was my daddy ONLY to find out it was ALL a lie.  My little brother wasn't MY brother ... he was my 1/2 brother and my little sister wasn't MY sister ... she was my 1/2 sister and I was NOT apart of their "happy family" b/c i didn't have a father!  So, after that day i never truly felt "apart" of him! I lashed out, i stole, i started failing my classes, i was a rebel b/c i was hoping that my behavior would make him leave!  But he didn't.....

Part 1:

I'm going to choose to focus on the positives that my step dad has added to my life 1st:


1) money: my step dad taught me how to manage money, acquire money, and save money


2) He taught me how to think rationally... he used to ask me 1000 questions about my motivations, thoughts, feelings, etc to show me that i shouldn't make decisions with my EMOTIONS (heart) but with my BRAIN!


3) he NEVER treated me like i wasn't his child... I've only heard him call me his step daughter ONCE, and i was like 8

4) he never did anything "directly" harmful to me ... he NEVER abused me, got drunk and drove w/ me in the car, called me names, stole from me <<< which is more than i can say for some people's fathers/step dads so for ALL of that I am EXTREMELY thankful

Part 2:

I can count on 1 hand the number of people  that actually "like" and look at their step-father as their dad .... *clap for them* b/c those men are in the upper eschelon of men in this society.


Real life:
Earlier I said that he NEVER did anything to directly hurt me HOWEVER there are a few things he did that will forever scar my memory of him:

1) Some say the BEST Father is one that loves the child's mother, SOOOO true and in this area he FAILED

Traditional Wedding vows read:
 I,____, take thee,_____, to my wedded _____, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance.

1) Last year my step dad divorced my mother! *insert my NOT shocked face*  My Mother fell in love with this man when he had NOTHING!  She was working 2 jobs and so was he trying to make ends meet.  She got promoted to manager and was making MORE money than him for years....  When i was in my teens he got laid off and was out of work for like 1 year and a 1/2.... Did my mom divorce him? NO she picked up a 2nd job!  So now it's 2010 and she's out of work (b/c of sickness) and he's been making more than her for about 5 years and what does he do ???? DIVORCE aka abandon her.... NOT only that, this man didn't pay for mortgage on the house for MONTHS so the house was in foreclosure and he decided NOT to tell anybody.  Not only did he abandon her, he TRIED to leave her homeless. (so much for "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health")

2) He put his hands on my mother ..... TWICE! ("to love and to cherish" ?????? is that right?) and I tell u what .... when i found out.... death almost did them part (if u catch my drift)

3) So though i applauded him earlier, his behavior over the last 15 years has caused me to say yes thank you for all you've added prior BUT if the COST of knowing you was 18 years of heartache .... I wish my mom never met u #thatisall.