24

So at 12am, I turn 24 yours old!

Tonight really does begin a new chapter in my life.  I think the Lord is telling me that this will be a year of "firsts":

1) my FIRST time celebrating my birthday away from family/friends
2) my FIRST b-day not being able to go visit my cousin's grave (weird, I know BUT it gives me peace & makes me feel like we still get to celebrate together... don't judge me)
3) my FIRST time spending my birthday is a different time zone

This is ALL new to me!  Part of me is excited because it is a new leaf BUT the other part of me is scared. 
Scared of what is to come, what is my future?
Will I have to spend another birthday alone?
Will I EVER come to grips with losing my cousin?
Will I ever be able to forgive my step-dad?

I'm just a big ball of questions these days HOWEVER I know 2 things to be TRUE:

1) With older age should come growth & maturity and I'm going to take this time alone to really evaluate myself and my life so far.   Some of my past/present vices, demons, qualms, hiccups, etc need to pass away.  I think most of them I'll probably battle inwardly throughout life BUT others' are just my fleshly desires and honestly, sins that I like committing (don't judge me). 

2) The Lord loves me and wants what's best for me.  I saw a status from Sarah that said, "If God took the time to intricately design you then He cares about the things that intricately define you" <<< Sooo true!  It is hard for me to believe that even with my demons, vices, qualms and hiccups, the Lord still finds value in my life.  More importantly, He wants me to live this life to the fullest! 

In summary, (according to my facebook newsfeed) I feel like I should be married, or at least engaged, preggers, getting my masters, etc BUT The Lord is giving me peace about where I am, in His hands! 

I'm sooo Thankful for another year of life, Thank You Jesus & Happy 24th bday Sade Uniqua Gilbert

and Happy 29th birthday Nneka Talibah Sutton (gone but NEVER forgotten, I Miss & Love you soooooooo much cuzzo)