Disclaimer: If you have kids between the ages of 10-17 and you DO NOT check their facebook page [ and have their facebook/phone/twitter password] - REGULARLY .... STOP READING NOW!!!!!!!!!
I just have a few questions:
1) Where are the parents?
2) When did they stop parenting?
3) Why did they stop parenting?
Here I am minding my own business, avoiding productivity and looking at facebook when I read MY little sister (who's 13) status that includes the word "a$$". You see how I bleeped that out? Yea.... she didn't! Confusion overcame me....
I used to curse like a sailor when I was 12-14 because I thought I was grown, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted and WHO was going to tell me different???? WANDA! I cursed when I WASN'T around my mother or any other adult for that matter. I don't curse now but if I did I still wouldn't curse around my mom/grandma/adults because I was taught that is DISRESPECTFUL. I can type "a$$" in my blog b/c I'm a proving a point but I couldn't even do that at 13 without getting slapped. So that makes me ask a few more questions.
4) We have the same mom ........ but different standards/values?
5) We have the same mom ..........but different calibers/definitions of respect?
WHAT IS WRONG HERE???
Listen, I've read that parents do their best parenting with the eldest child but MY LORD what are ya'll doing with the other kids? My sister and cousins get away w/ eye rolls, neck rolls, slamming doors, temper tantrums that I literally FEARED FOR MY LIFE to test the waters with. Instead these new kids out here defending their disrespect saying it's "free speech", an unalienable right <<<< too smart for their own good!
This blog may seem a little harsh but I honestly feel disrespected when I get on facebook and see my siblings and little cousins posting pics w/ their "abs" out, sexual innuendos in status', curse words, vulgar slang, etc. What I want to do is call them and check them BUT I know how to stay in my lane soooo this blog is a warning just to bring it to the parent's attention ...
I see it, other family members see it, it's a bad reflection and I say shut down their facebook, their twitter and take away the smart phones until the learn how to RESPECT their elders and themselves!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Distractions
I would like to pour it all out on the table for ya'll .... but I can't or rather I'm choosing not to.
At any rate, I haven't blogged in a while b/c I've been B-U-S-Y!!!!!!!!!!! It has take me like 100 days to read a 40 day devotional smh .... BUT I'm back on the scene now.
I miss having an 80 hour a week distraction.
The word "distraction" gets a bad wrap but the reality of it is .... distractions are often TEMPORARILY needed in life (especially when dealing with love). See distractions that play their role properly keep you from sending regrettable texts, they keep you from thinking about what coulda/shoulda/woulda been, they ensure safety b/c you can't be out busting windows out of cars if you are distracted properly, distractions are a VITAL coping mechanism when used correctly, they are supposed help you trick your mind into believing you are over a person just long enough for your heart to actually move on...
What happens when you fall in love with your distraction ??? DISASTER!!
So I simply wrote this blog to say; "distractions" get it together, quit making yourself easy to love, ... know your role & stay in your lane. Distractees (yea i made this up) .... DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR DISTRACTION!!!!!!!
At any rate, I haven't blogged in a while b/c I've been B-U-S-Y!!!!!!!!!!! It has take me like 100 days to read a 40 day devotional smh .... BUT I'm back on the scene now.
I miss having an 80 hour a week distraction.
The word "distraction" gets a bad wrap but the reality of it is .... distractions are often TEMPORARILY needed in life (especially when dealing with love). See distractions that play their role properly keep you from sending regrettable texts, they keep you from thinking about what coulda/shoulda/woulda been, they ensure safety b/c you can't be out busting windows out of cars if you are distracted properly, distractions are a VITAL coping mechanism when used correctly, they are supposed help you trick your mind into believing you are over a person just long enough for your heart to actually move on...
What happens when you fall in love with your distraction ??? DISASTER!!
So I simply wrote this blog to say; "distractions" get it together, quit making yourself easy to love, ... know your role & stay in your lane. Distractees (yea i made this up) .... DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR DISTRACTION!!!!!!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sanity over Stardom
For those that don't know when I was a kid (like 5-9) I wanted to be a superstar! I was in acting, drama, dance, arts,etc classes for those years. *I would tell ya'll ALL about the "Lil Rascal" audition BUT I don't like the story PLUS if you contact my mom, she'll have NO PROBLEM telling you all about it -__-*
Moving on, For a while I would ask God WHY didn't He allow one of my auditions, plays, etc to win me some recognition and lead me to being a child/teenage superstar?????? I felt like with Stardom, I (nor my family) would struggle financially, I'd be set by now and would be able to "give back" to the world with my talent/money.
THENNNNN Today I had a revelation. In lieu of all this Whitney Houston, Lindsey Lohan, & Chris Brown, stuff I realized .... I'd be CRAZY!
Perhaps the reason the Lord didn't let me take that path is because He was protecting my sanity? He didn't have drug addiction, piss poor money management, pornography addiciton, homosexuality, struggling with inner demons, vices & apetities in my PUBLIC/NATIONAL/WORLD testimony. Sade wouldn't be able to handle interviews w/ Nancy Grace, Bill O'Riley, Perez, etc .... I don't do well with people asking me questions [that I don't want to answer] soooo I could see how I wouldn't know how to act with my life in the public eye.
So, I wrote blog for anyone who had/has dreams of becoming a star. Sometimes that interview/audition didn't pan out because the Lord knows what the pressures of stardom will do to your life! We all have our own lives to live and God does grant us the desires of our heart BUT you have to know yourself. Let HIS desires/purpose/testimony for your life trump yours b/c the grass will forever look greener on the other side UNTIL you get over there and realize ..... it was food coloring ;)
FIGHT to find PEACE in His PURPOSE for YOU!
Moving on, For a while I would ask God WHY didn't He allow one of my auditions, plays, etc to win me some recognition and lead me to being a child/teenage superstar?????? I felt like with Stardom, I (nor my family) would struggle financially, I'd be set by now and would be able to "give back" to the world with my talent/money.
THENNNNN Today I had a revelation. In lieu of all this Whitney Houston, Lindsey Lohan, & Chris Brown, stuff I realized .... I'd be CRAZY!
Perhaps the reason the Lord didn't let me take that path is because He was protecting my sanity? He didn't have drug addiction, piss poor money management, pornography addiciton, homosexuality, struggling with inner demons, vices & apetities in my PUBLIC/NATIONAL/WORLD testimony. Sade wouldn't be able to handle interviews w/ Nancy Grace, Bill O'Riley, Perez, etc .... I don't do well with people asking me questions [that I don't want to answer] soooo I could see how I wouldn't know how to act with my life in the public eye.
So, I wrote blog for anyone who had/has dreams of becoming a star. Sometimes that interview/audition didn't pan out because the Lord knows what the pressures of stardom will do to your life! We all have our own lives to live and God does grant us the desires of our heart BUT you have to know yourself. Let HIS desires/purpose/testimony for your life trump yours b/c the grass will forever look greener on the other side UNTIL you get over there and realize ..... it was food coloring ;)
FIGHT to find PEACE in His PURPOSE for YOU!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
A Homeless Heart
Hello World!
Many of you know me to be a very vocal person and I typically have no problem letting people know how I feel when I have a disdain for something [someone]. However, many of you also know that I am on quest, a quest to become a better, more mature person. This has been quite a challenge to hold my tongue in the "Internet realm" and not blog things like "forget that N*gga", "How to sue a hoe", etc. I think I am justified in any stance I take towards this matter BUT as the Bible says, "All things are lawful for me BUT not all things are expedient". So, since I'm on a quest to have peace in my life & be a peaceful voice in the lives of those around me, I'll refrain ;)
This blog is dedicated to those whom the economy has affected in the worst way... the homeless!
I NEVER thought in a MILLION years that I wouldn't have a permanent address. My job requires me to move A LOT so I would send my bank statements, tax forms, phone bills, car notes, etc to my "permanent address" aka my momma house.
We moved into 107 Cheney Ct. when I was in the 7th grade(I hated it b/c Garner was so far from everything) and it was my moms first house! That house saw everything: bday parties, fights, graduation parties, whoopings, tears and every intimate moment a family could share in a 3 level, 4 bedroom home!
The house was foreclosed on Jan 17th.
My heart hurts.
So now my mother and my sister are homeless.
No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't register for me.
Part of my heart wants to move back to NC & figure out a way to take care of my family. Part of me wants my step-dad to step up to the plate & do his job, considering they aren't divorced yet. Part of me wants to fly them out to Iowa to live in my apartment. My mind, heart, soul, are all out of whack.... there is a HUGE vacancy in my heart where "home" used to be... my heart is homeless! My heart hurts & I cry nightly b/c the pain of hearing a 13 year old cry because she wants "to go home" will give you a new perspective on pain. My mom is strong. She was a single parent for 5-7 years, we lived in poverty when I was little, she's a gansta! However, my sister ..... she was Daddy's Princess, shoot, she was the QUEEN! Now, she's a beggar and I know the pains of fiction becoming a harsh reality.
So, I wrote this blog because I used to drive past the homeless man at the intersection of 54 and 55 in Durham & SMH. I used to wonder what it's like for a family to live out of a hotel. I would judge the homeless b/c I thought there was something THEY did that bought that lifestyle on themselves BUT now, I KNOW BETTER. I could have been a series of unfortunate events that lead them to homelessness.
I'm speaking out about this b/c when you see Sade or Wanda or Lafi, or Mrs. Smith & her 3 kids, Mr. Doe & his family ... we will probably be smiling, joking, facebooking, tweeting, etc but you NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THEIR REAL LIFE! This blog isn't for a pity party b/c I KNOW that this is just a test. Without a TEST there is NO TESTIMONY sooo I'm ok w/ that. More importantly when I am balling, I'll buy my mom 4 houses, 1 for each season if she wants...
I just want ya'll to understand that life can sometimes foreclose on your hopes, dreams,& promises. Leaving a vacancy in your heart, mind, & soul. So if you bump into someone who's homeless/heartless, don't judge them, LOVE & PRAY for THEM!
-A Homeless Heart
Many of you know me to be a very vocal person and I typically have no problem letting people know how I feel when I have a disdain for something [someone]. However, many of you also know that I am on quest, a quest to become a better, more mature person. This has been quite a challenge to hold my tongue in the "Internet realm" and not blog things like "forget that N*gga", "How to sue a hoe", etc. I think I am justified in any stance I take towards this matter BUT as the Bible says, "All things are lawful for me BUT not all things are expedient". So, since I'm on a quest to have peace in my life & be a peaceful voice in the lives of those around me, I'll refrain ;)
This blog is dedicated to those whom the economy has affected in the worst way... the homeless!
I NEVER thought in a MILLION years that I wouldn't have a permanent address. My job requires me to move A LOT so I would send my bank statements, tax forms, phone bills, car notes, etc to my "permanent address" aka my momma house.
We moved into 107 Cheney Ct. when I was in the 7th grade
The house was foreclosed on Jan 17th.
My heart hurts.
So now my mother and my sister are homeless.
No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't register for me.
Part of my heart wants to move back to NC & figure out a way to take care of my family. Part of me wants my step-dad to step up to the plate & do his job, considering they aren't divorced yet. Part of me wants to fly them out to Iowa to live in my apartment. My mind, heart, soul, are all out of whack.... there is a HUGE vacancy in my heart where "home" used to be... my heart is homeless! My heart hurts & I cry nightly b/c the pain of hearing a 13 year old cry because she wants "to go home" will give you a new perspective on pain. My mom is strong. She was a single parent for 5-7 years, we lived in poverty when I was little, she's a gansta! However, my sister ..... she was Daddy's Princess, shoot, she was the QUEEN! Now, she's a beggar and I know the pains of fiction becoming a harsh reality.
So, I wrote this blog because I used to drive past the homeless man at the intersection of 54 and 55 in Durham & SMH. I used to wonder what it's like for a family to live out of a hotel. I would judge the homeless b/c I thought there was something THEY did that bought that lifestyle on themselves BUT now, I KNOW BETTER. I could have been a series of unfortunate events that lead them to homelessness.
I'm speaking out about this b/c when you see Sade or Wanda or Lafi, or Mrs. Smith & her 3 kids, Mr. Doe & his family ... we will probably be smiling, joking, facebooking, tweeting, etc but you NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THEIR REAL LIFE! This blog isn't for a pity party b/c I KNOW that this is just a test. Without a TEST there is NO TESTIMONY sooo I'm ok w/ that. More importantly when I am balling, I'll buy my mom 4 houses, 1 for each season if she wants...
I just want ya'll to understand that life can sometimes foreclose on your hopes, dreams,& promises. Leaving a vacancy in your heart, mind, & soul. So if you bump into someone who's homeless/heartless, don't judge them, LOVE & PRAY for THEM!
-A Homeless Heart
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Happy
I know 1/2 of y'all don't care, but for those that do:
I'm happy!
I'm happy because I have some peace in my life. My sister once told me that peace is precious! The older I get, the more I understand! I really value having peace of mind/spirit/soul/etc I have learned to dislike living in chaos ESPECIALLY chaos that I've created for myself. Every area of my life is not sorted out BUT I am at peace with where things are. I have some serious inner demons that I'm fighting through BUT I am at peace because I know that God loves and cares about me regardless!
I'm happy because I get to go home. They say home is where the heart is, they ain't NEVA lied lol
I've missed EVERYONE, I've been out here in the Arctic BY MYSELF for 7 months & I CANNOT wait to come home :)
That's pretty much it, I'm happy and I know *claps my hands*
I'm happy!
I'm happy because I have some peace in my life. My sister once told me that peace is precious! The older I get, the more I understand! I really value having peace of mind/spirit/soul/etc I have learned to dislike living in chaos ESPECIALLY chaos that I've created for myself. Every area of my life is not sorted out BUT I am at peace with where things are. I have some serious inner demons that I'm fighting through BUT I am at peace because I know that God loves and cares about me regardless!
I'm happy because I get to go home. They say home is where the heart is, they ain't NEVA lied lol
I've missed EVERYONE, I've been out here in the Arctic BY MYSELF for 7 months & I CANNOT wait to come home :)
That's pretty much it, I'm happy and I know *claps my hands*
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
24
So at 12am, I turn 24 yours old!
Tonight really does begin a new chapter in my life. I think the Lord is telling me that this will be a year of "firsts":
1) my FIRST time celebrating my birthday away from family/friends
2) my FIRST b-day not being able to go visit my cousin's grave (weird, I know BUT it gives me peace & makes me feel like we still get to celebrate together... don't judge me)
3) my FIRST time spending my birthday is a different time zone
This is ALL new to me! Part of me is excited because it is a new leaf BUT the other part of me is scared.
Scared of what is to come, what is my future?
Will I have to spend another birthday alone?
Will I EVER come to grips with losing my cousin?
Will I ever be able to forgive my step-dad?
I'm just a big ball of questions these days HOWEVER I know 2 things to be TRUE:
1) With older age should come growth & maturity and I'm going to take this time alone to really evaluate myself and my life so far. Some of my past/present vices, demons, qualms, hiccups, etc need to pass away. I think most of them I'll probably battle inwardly throughout life BUT others' are just my fleshly desires and honestly, sins that I like committing (don't judge me).
2) The Lord loves me and wants what's best for me. I saw a status from Sarah that said, "
Tonight really does begin a new chapter in my life. I think the Lord is telling me that this will be a year of "firsts":
1) my FIRST time celebrating my birthday away from family/friends
2) my FIRST b-day not being able to go visit my cousin's grave (weird, I know BUT it gives me peace & makes me feel like we still get to celebrate together... don't judge me)
3) my FIRST time spending my birthday is a different time zone
This is ALL new to me! Part of me is excited because it is a new leaf BUT the other part of me is scared.
Scared of what is to come, what is my future?
Will I have to spend another birthday alone?
Will I EVER come to grips with losing my cousin?
Will I ever be able to forgive my step-dad?
I'm just a big ball of questions these days HOWEVER I know 2 things to be TRUE:
1) With older age should come growth & maturity and I'm going to take this time alone to really evaluate myself and my life so far. Some of my past/present vices, demons, qualms, hiccups, etc need to pass away. I think most of them I'll probably battle inwardly throughout life BUT others' are just my fleshly desires and honestly, sins that I like committing (don't judge me).
2) The Lord loves me and wants what's best for me. I saw a status from Sarah that said, "
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Compilations of my heart
Well since I've been in my feelings lately, might as well let y'all know what I've been listening too that's been keeping me there ... NOW before you play ANY of these songs LOL know that they put/keep me in my feelings SOOOO unless you're good as staying out of yours ... you should leave this blog... NOW lol
1st is Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith cover of "Thinking about you" ---
"People just say live in the moment, don't be scared.....Everyday that I don't see you, you're slipping away"
Anyway, I LOVE the original version & I also LOVE Bridgette Kelly version w/ Frank Ocean, you should yo youtube those...NOW
"Tell you I love you everyday and that'll never stop, They say that it's true love, but is love true? Yea I think it's love, that's why I found you"
.... This song is a PROBLEM!
2nd
Drake "Doing it Wrong"
"So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you, that's the wrong thing to do
Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you, that's the wrong thing to do
Talk if you need to but I can't stay to hear you, that's the wrong thing to do
cuz you'll say you love me and I'll end up lying & say I love you too"
Ummmmm we all try to be the "good girl/guy" or the "Captain save a hoe" but the things is ... in the end "it's the wrong thing to do" b/c all we're really doing and giving the person hope and making them think there is a future between ya'll when that may not be reality. So, going back to my poem from yesterday....Quit sending mixed messages, if you're done w/ a person- LET THEM GO so that they can LET YOU GO & MOVE on w/ their life.
The wrong things to do:
-Send text saying you miss/love them, wish things could be different, etc ...
-E-mail poems, electronic cards, etc ....
-Call them to ask how they are doing & leave a voicemail
You think you're making it better BUT honestly, you're causing them more pain & it makes it harder to let u go #thatisall
3rd:
Beyonce "I'd rather go blind" - #1 You need to see Cadillac records to fully understand the pain in this song.
#2 I can't think of stronger lyrics than "I'd rather be blind than to see you walk away from me", I feel like you can ONLY write lyrics like that IF you fully understand how you can love someone SOOO much and for SOOO long, that you don't even think you can ever see ANYONE, ANYTHING, ANY other person the same w/out them ... essentially leaving you BLIND!
"I love you so much that I don't want to watch you leave me, MOST OF ALL I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE FREE" --- "want to be free"???? this implies that you are CHOOSING to stay in bondage, entangled, in love .... WOW!
I'm not a psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist, etc. But I am human and I understand Love. I understand what happens when you love someone & they don't love you back, anymore.... It can drive you insane!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)