Hello, Hello, Hello
Dang I haven't been up here in 6 months! Feels like an eternity! I do apologize especially for my 6,000+ page viewers, been gone too long. I need to get back on my blogging life. This has always been a safe [and judgement] filled escape lol but I love ya'll anyway!
Sooooo there's only a couple things that could bring me back here... GUESS WHO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Jermaine Lamarr Cole of course!!!!!!!!!!
I had to wait until June 18th (as every good fan should have) to hear this hot FIYAH he had for us!
Let me address a couple things:
1) I don't like bloggers/music listeners/alike who give an opinion without letting any body album marinate. You listen to an album/song ONE TIME and write PAGES of review about how current rappers aren't living up to legends?!?!? Go have a seat, listen to the music, take it in THEN write yo raggedy review, thanx!
2) I'm not sure what Kanye is doing. He has screaming, yelling, off beats, etc and ya'll calling it "art" ok. Listen, I'm a nice Christian Southern Belle anddddddd folks releasing albums featuring "God/Jesus/Holy Spirit/tongues" ... I'm not here for that. There are certain songs on Jesus Piece (Game) that I just can't play, my soul won't let me. So Ye calling himself "yeezus" and making a track called "I am God" ---____--- NOT COOL in my book.
I'm in it, Blood on Leaves, and Bound 2 are my FAVORITES! Ye' is serving us Cruel Summer & College Dropout and I <3 it!
3) Cole: The title alone was enough for me! --- I'm going to keep this short and just give my favorites :) Nothing pisses me off more than faux musical philosophers that say Cole is boring & raps the same message ?!?!? ugh DUH! What else is he going to rap about? If you prefer 2 Chainz, Flocka, Gucci, Ace Hood .... you can have ya Bugatti! I'll take the dude from Fayettnam, college educated, with stories of the struggle with Sally Mae ANY DAY!
a) Villuminati - FIYAH!
b) Power Trip - for those that don't get the video.... Listen to Dreams!
c) Trouble - That Choir, YES!
d) She knows - MLK and Coretta!
e) Rich N****s - Um he's preaching about about single moms, step dads, lack of money = my life
f) Where's Jermaine - He's giving us Miseducation of Lauryn Hill & I love him for that!
g) Forbidden Fruit - I wish Kendrick got a verse but it's all good
h) Chaining Day- that 3 part harmony Cole does at the end is my FAVORITE
i) Let Nas Down - He gave us his heart in 4 minutes and 37 seconds. His story telling abilities are on point
j) Born Sinner - Easily my favorite track s/o to Ken Lewis Choir!
Top 3: Born Sinner, Let Nas Down, and a tie btwn Rich Ni**s/Villuminati
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Consecration Mid-Way point
*taps mic*
Hello All,
1) Happy MLK Jr. Day! I could type a 10 page blog but it wouldn't be enough to fully express the achievements of Martin Luther King Jr! So, instead of not doing his legacy justice, I only have this to say: THANK YOU Martin Luther King Jr for every opportunity your name & legacy has afforded me!
2) Happy Inauguration Day! I watched the festivities from 10am-8pm tonight and I found myself smiling, laughing, etc as if I weren't in a hotel room ALONE lol. It was sooooo great to see the first family celebrating Obama's official introduction into his second term!
3) Consecration will be 1/2 way over on the 23rd :) (I started 4 days after everyone else because I was away on a business conference when it began). Nonetheless, I must admit I was doing a GREAT job until earlier today :( *whomp whomp* but hey, this was the farthest I've made it through consecration without an hiccups. Anyway, I failed in 1 area BUT I picked myself up and I'm back on the horse :)
4) Soooo essentially I'm writing this blog to let ya'll know I'm getting off facebook TONIGHT! So if you need me: call, text, e-mail, etc :) I have a LONG to-do list (vision, if you will) for the Lord! I NEED Him to move, QUICKLY lol so that means I need to apply some MORE self-control, self-disciple, and sacrifice to my consecration and this will be my 1st step!
Again, If you have any prayer request or just need to get in touch with me ... call me :)
Love,Live, Laugh :) <3
Hello All,
1) Happy MLK Jr. Day! I could type a 10 page blog but it wouldn't be enough to fully express the achievements of Martin Luther King Jr! So, instead of not doing his legacy justice, I only have this to say: THANK YOU Martin Luther King Jr for every opportunity your name & legacy has afforded me!
2) Happy Inauguration Day! I watched the festivities from 10am-8pm tonight and I found myself smiling, laughing, etc as if I weren't in a hotel room ALONE lol. It was sooooo great to see the first family celebrating Obama's official introduction into his second term!
3) Consecration will be 1/2 way over on the 23rd :) (I started 4 days after everyone else because I was away on a business conference when it began). Nonetheless, I must admit I was doing a GREAT job until earlier today :( *whomp whomp* but hey, this was the farthest I've made it through consecration without an hiccups. Anyway, I failed in 1 area BUT I picked myself up and I'm back on the horse :)
4) Soooo essentially I'm writing this blog to let ya'll know I'm getting off facebook TONIGHT! So if you need me: call, text, e-mail, etc :) I have a LONG to-do list (vision, if you will) for the Lord! I NEED Him to move, QUICKLY lol so that means I need to apply some MORE self-control, self-disciple, and sacrifice to my consecration and this will be my 1st step!
Again, If you have any prayer request or just need to get in touch with me ... call me :)
Love,Live, Laugh :) <3
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Consecration 2013
Wassup ya'll?
As the title suggest, it is time for Consecration 2013!!!! For those that want to know what WOCC is doing this here the link is here >>> http://www.wocconline.org/consecration2013/ . That website will tell you some different options for fasting and praying throughout consecration if you would like to join.
This is like my 8th Consecration and it NEVER gets easier so don't expect it to. Consecration is essentially just a SACRIFICE and nothing about sacrifice sits well in our human nature. I've had my struggles and here are my 3 blogs about 2011's consecration >>>>:
Half-way mark: http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2011/01/consecration-12-way-mark.html
The End: http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2011/02/consecration-2011-wrap-up.html
For those that want to know what I'm doing:
1) No Soda (primarily WATER, a little juice but also tea and coffee (mainly for once I'm in Illinois))
2) No Secular Music - ONLY Gospel
3) No Twitter for 18 days & No Facebook for the remaining 18 days
4) No Cursing, Smoking, Drinking, Dating, Sexing
5) No Fast Food
These are things I do daily that I need to give up to give God a sacrifice. Some other ideas are: no porn, lying, cheating, illegal substances/activities, any bad habits you've picked up through the years. This is a good time to give those things up for 37 days just to reset and rebalance your life.
There are SEVERAL things I need God to do this year. He has really changed my life in the last 2-3 years so I can only imagine what He has in store for me for this year!!!!! Sooooo I'll be in prayer daily, doing daily Bible studies etc so feel free to message, text, e-mail me your prayer request and I'll add them to my list for you :)
God Bless!
-Uniqua
As the title suggest, it is time for Consecration 2013!!!! For those that want to know what WOCC is doing this here the link is here >>> http://www.wocconline.org/consecration2013/ . That website will tell you some different options for fasting and praying throughout consecration if you would like to join.
This is like my 8th Consecration and it NEVER gets easier so don't expect it to. Consecration is essentially just a SACRIFICE and nothing about sacrifice sits well in our human nature. I've had my struggles and here are my 3 blogs about 2011's consecration >>>>:
Half-way mark: http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2011/01/consecration-12-way-mark.html
The End: http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2011/02/consecration-2011-wrap-up.html
For those that want to know what I'm doing:
1) No Soda (primarily WATER, a little juice but also tea and coffee (mainly for once I'm in Illinois))
2) No Secular Music - ONLY Gospel
3) No Twitter for 18 days & No Facebook for the remaining 18 days
4) No Cursing, Smoking, Drinking, Dating, Sexing
5) No Fast Food
These are things I do daily that I need to give up to give God a sacrifice. Some other ideas are: no porn, lying, cheating, illegal substances/activities, any bad habits you've picked up through the years. This is a good time to give those things up for 37 days just to reset and rebalance your life.
There are SEVERAL things I need God to do this year. He has really changed my life in the last 2-3 years so I can only imagine what He has in store for me for this year!!!!! Sooooo I'll be in prayer daily, doing daily Bible studies etc so feel free to message, text, e-mail me your prayer request and I'll add them to my list for you :)
God Bless!
-Uniqua
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Asking the Right Questions
“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
I stole the quote above from my friend on facebook and I needed it!
Wassup Ya'll! It has been awhile so I'm sure you're wondering what I've been doing with my life:
Trying to Get my life and emotions under control - Reading Iyanla Vanzant books hoping it will be as effective as her knocking on my front door telling me that my family will be on "Iyanla Fix My Life". Since that is highly unlikely, I'm hoping I can learn something to change my outlook on life and love permanently. I say permanently because how many times have we heard a sermon, read a book, read a status, etc that HAD to have been catered just to us... We digest the message and thennnnnnnn MOVE ON! Or, if you're like me, you hear it, know it's for you, change for about a week, then it's back to your old ways. I want something else, I'm seeking something else, I have no idea what it is BUT I know it's deeper than something I'll do for 1 or 2 weeks. I thought my quest to Iowa/Illinois was it (I am still learning a lot) but I still don't feel complete :-/
Needless to say, I've been spending time putting my 5 year plan together and just trying to figure out what it is that I'm missing. Because this missing piece is sending my emotions through all kinds of roller coasters smh... I guess, my solution is to quit assuming and ask God the right questions...
Hope this helped someone :)
Uniqua
I stole the quote above from my friend on facebook and I needed it!
Wassup Ya'll! It has been awhile so I'm sure you're wondering what I've been doing with my life:
Trying to Get my life and emotions under control - Reading Iyanla Vanzant books hoping it will be as effective as her knocking on my front door telling me that my family will be on "Iyanla Fix My Life". Since that is highly unlikely, I'm hoping I can learn something to change my outlook on life and love permanently. I say permanently because how many times have we heard a sermon, read a book, read a status, etc that HAD to have been catered just to us... We digest the message and thennnnnnnn MOVE ON! Or, if you're like me, you hear it, know it's for you, change for about a week, then it's back to your old ways. I want something else, I'm seeking something else, I have no idea what it is BUT I know it's deeper than something I'll do for 1 or 2 weeks. I thought my quest to Iowa/Illinois was it (I am still learning a lot) but I still don't feel complete :-/
Needless to say, I've been spending time putting my 5 year plan together and just trying to figure out what it is that I'm missing. Because this missing piece is sending my emotions through all kinds of roller coasters smh... I guess, my solution is to quit assuming and ask God the right questions...
Hope this helped someone :)
Uniqua
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Lovers & [then] Friends?
Don't let the title disturb you lol ain't nothing going on over here but the rent! However, I do have a few questions:
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS WITH EXES?
How does it work successfully?
The basics:
1 person decides you two not compatible anymore or 1 isn't ready for a relationship....
Or Both of you decide the relationship isn't working either way....
The bomb is dropped "Can we be friends"
All I really want to know is what to do when:
1) You (or they) want to hang-out BUT you're (they're) hanging out with someone else?
2) When you (or they) start dating someone else?
3) Deep down you still love them BUT essentially they've rejected your love.... how do you get over that?
4) How do you go from Lovers to Friends?
5) Is there a natural time-frame for this? After 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years? When is it ok to be able to look at them as a "friend"?
I just foresee awkward on top of awkward on top of awkward moments that I feel would be best if avoided .... but maybe that's just me- What ya'll think? (for real, someone give me answers)
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS WITH EXES?
How does it work successfully?
The basics:
1 person decides you two not compatible anymore or 1 isn't ready for a relationship....
Or Both of you decide the relationship isn't working either way....
The bomb is dropped "Can we be friends"
All I really want to know is what to do when:
1) You (or they) want to hang-out BUT you're (they're) hanging out with someone else?
2) When you (or they) start dating someone else?
3) Deep down you still love them BUT essentially they've rejected your love.... how do you get over that?
4) How do you go from Lovers to Friends?
5) Is there a natural time-frame for this? After 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years? When is it ok to be able to look at them as a "friend"?
I just foresee awkward on top of awkward on top of awkward moments that I feel would be best if avoided .... but maybe that's just me- What ya'll think? (for real, someone give me answers)
Monday, September 3, 2012
Home-Sick - Updates
Hello All,
I know it has been awhile so I just wanted to stop & give ya'll some updates:
1) I'm still 15 lbs down lol I'm sad/proud of this at the same time lol proud because I ate EVERYWHERE Bahama Breeze, Dames, McDonalds, Briggs, etc that last weeks I was in NC and now I'm back here I've been eating out A LOT too smh but I've still been able to maintain the 15 loss :) I'm sad thou b/c I need at least 30 more lbs gone by the time Homecoming rolls around soooo I have A LOT of work to do...
2) Speaking of work- YES I'm back in the midwest ;) I'm excited b/c I have trips to Mall of America, Nebraska, Indiana, St. Louis, and downtown Chicago planned! Again, I am so thankful for this opportunity to get to see the U.S. for longer than a week vacation but 14 weeks of travel! I do still get homesick tho
3) Speaking of Homesick- I miss ya'll! I was home for 3 months sooooo i def miss my friends/family but most of all- I miss people cooking for me :)
Lemme get out what I feel tho:
Common Cold
I think I'm getting over you
the common cold
you showed up
I have a fever
my vision got blurry
my throat got tingly
nose was stopped up
I had to FIGHT to breathe
I found out I wasn't immune
Everything in my life was uncommon
til I met you
felt like the flu
you blew
I sneezed
ah-chu
Bless you or me?
To breathe again
Distance was the NyQuil
Cleared the (s)not right on up
Now I can see clearly
Temperature is back down
only chloraseptic residue in my throat
it's still numb
as if you were here....
I think I'm getting over you
ah-chu
maybe not?
I know it has been awhile so I just wanted to stop & give ya'll some updates:
1) I'm still 15 lbs down lol I'm sad/proud of this at the same time lol proud because I ate EVERYWHERE Bahama Breeze, Dames, McDonalds, Briggs, etc that last weeks I was in NC and now I'm back here I've been eating out A LOT too smh but I've still been able to maintain the 15 loss :) I'm sad thou b/c I need at least 30 more lbs gone by the time Homecoming rolls around soooo I have A LOT of work to do...
2) Speaking of work- YES I'm back in the midwest ;) I'm excited b/c I have trips to Mall of America, Nebraska, Indiana, St. Louis, and downtown Chicago planned! Again, I am so thankful for this opportunity to get to see the U.S. for longer than a week vacation but 14 weeks of travel! I do still get homesick tho
3) Speaking of Homesick- I miss ya'll! I was home for 3 months sooooo i def miss my friends/family but most of all- I miss people cooking for me :)
Lemme get out what I feel tho:
Common Cold
I think I'm getting over you
the common cold
you showed up
I have a fever
my vision got blurry
my throat got tingly
nose was stopped up
I had to FIGHT to breathe
I found out I wasn't immune
Everything in my life was uncommon
til I met you
felt like the flu
you blew
I sneezed
ah-chu
Bless you or me?
To breathe again
Distance was the NyQuil
Cleared the (s)not right on up
Now I can see clearly
Temperature is back down
only chloraseptic residue in my throat
it's still numb
as if you were here....
I think I'm getting over you
ah-chu
maybe not?
Saturday, June 30, 2012
15 down 65 to go!
Hello, Hello, Hello World!
I just wanted to stop by and drop off some updates :)
So far:
- I've lost 15 lbs
- 3.5 inches in my waist
- 2 inches in my hips
- 2 inches in my chest
I had a few minor set-backs this week due to LOTS of eating out and just not being consistent with my workouts! No worries, I got over the depression really quickly and got back on my grind. So as of today I'm 5 lbs away from my 1st marker = 20lbs (which means I can go to Dames after 5 little pounds :)). I'm also going to the BAHAMAS as the end of July soooo my goal after hitting 20lbs is 40lbs by the end of July!
Below I'm going to give yall some updated pics. My mom claims my butt is smaller o_0 I can't see it yet. I can feel my clothes getting a little more loose around my hips and thighs. But I'm most sad about losing chest .... the ladies feel me!
I've been being all domestic lately and it has really broadend my [food] horizons. I've tried whole wheat noodles, all fruit (no sweetners) smoothies, and greek yogurt (GROSS)!
Anyway, hit me up if you have any tips to help me get to my 80lbs loss goal - s/o B.Norris she's been helping me A LOT with healthier food options :) s/o everyone who sends me encouraging text/calls/messages/dms/etc ;)
I just wanted to stop by and drop off some updates :)
So far:
- I've lost 15 lbs
- 3.5 inches in my waist
- 2 inches in my hips
- 2 inches in my chest
I had a few minor set-backs this week due to LOTS of eating out and just not being consistent with my workouts! No worries, I got over the depression really quickly and got back on my grind. So as of today I'm 5 lbs away from my 1st marker = 20lbs (which means I can go to Dames after 5 little pounds :)). I'm also going to the BAHAMAS as the end of July soooo my goal after hitting 20lbs is 40lbs by the end of July!
Below I'm going to give yall some updated pics. My mom claims my butt is smaller o_0 I can't see it yet. I can feel my clothes getting a little more loose around my hips and thighs. But I'm most sad about losing chest .... the ladies feel me!
I've been being all domestic lately and it has really broadend my [food] horizons. I've tried whole wheat noodles, all fruit (no sweetners) smoothies, and greek yogurt (GROSS)!
Anyway, hit me up if you have any tips to help me get to my 80lbs loss goal - s/o B.Norris she's been helping me A LOT with healthier food options :) s/o everyone who sends me encouraging text/calls/messages/dms/etc ;)
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Eat, Pray, Love ... Oops
Eat. Pray. Love...
So as many of you know, I went on a quest to the midwest this year and I've spent 10 months between Iowa and Illinois! It was a GREAT experience that I'll be doing again this year :) I've seen the Arch in St. Louis, Chicago, Indianapolis, Cedar Rapids, Columbus, Kansas City, and various other cities across the mid-west. I've had BBQ, Chicago hotdogs, pizza, gyro, popcorn, essentially my own little taste of Chicago! .... which bring me to the
OOPS
I should have done more of an Eat.Exercise.Pray.Love ...... So now I've started a new journey - I'm GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT! I've always been a "big girl"and I like being apart of the ladies who grace the floor when "Watch out for the big girls" beat drops BUT I also want to be able to enjoy a healthy life!
New Journey: So my goal is to get down to a size 14/16 which will mean I will need to drop about 80 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! (clap clap clap b/c I've lost 10 already :)) so make that 70
Who: Me
What: The freshman15 ... nah make that 50
When: NOW
How:
- I've cut my caloric intake from about 3000-4000 to 1500 or less.
- I'm ONLY drinking WATER
- I'm COOKING (and s/o to the people who give me shock face when they "find out" I can cook... I've ALWAYS been able to cook but WHY would I if my friends/family will cook for me?)
- INSANITY!!!!!! (Lawd, I die a little every time I hit PLAY on my DVD player) P.S. - If you can't get INSANITY check out the "Nike Training" App on iPhone.
- Just generally making better and healthier life decisions
Anyway, I'll be posting pics of food and pictures of my starting measurements and such so you all can go on this journey with me :)
P.S.- I wasn't going to do a blog about weight loss cuz I felt like I'd be putting myself out there too much BUT then a good friend of mine let me know it could serve as another level of accountability. How can I claim to be losing weight, show up at DHOE and look the same .... nah my pride won't let me go out like that. I'm sure the ole' smart Carolina folks are gonna be like "It's been 6 months, so 24 weeks, 2 lbs a week, 48 lbs or more is how much she SHOULD have lost 0_o" <<<<< yea, I'm not getting embarrassed lol so I figured now that I'm telling ya'll I'll remain diligent in my workouts ;) Welcome to the journey food and body pics BELOW!!!!!
So as many of you know, I went on a quest to the midwest this year and I've spent 10 months between Iowa and Illinois! It was a GREAT experience that I'll be doing again this year :) I've seen the Arch in St. Louis, Chicago, Indianapolis, Cedar Rapids, Columbus, Kansas City, and various other cities across the mid-west. I've had BBQ, Chicago hotdogs, pizza, gyro, popcorn, essentially my own little taste of Chicago! .... which bring me to the
OOPS
I should have done more of an Eat.Exercise.Pray.Love ...... So now I've started a new journey - I'm GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT! I've always been a "big girl"
New Journey: So my goal is to get down to a size 14/16 which will mean I will need to drop about 80 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! (clap clap clap b/c I've lost 10 already :)) so make that 70
Who: Me
What: The freshman
When: NOW
How:
- I've cut my caloric intake from about 3000-4000 to 1500 or less.
- I'm ONLY drinking WATER
- I'm COOKING (and s/o to the people who give me shock face when they "find out" I can cook... I've ALWAYS been able to cook but WHY would I if my friends/family will cook for me?)
- INSANITY!!!!!! (Lawd, I die a little every time I hit PLAY on my DVD player) P.S. - If you can't get INSANITY check out the "Nike Training" App on iPhone.
- Just generally making better and healthier life decisions
Anyway, I'll be posting pics of food and pictures of my starting measurements and such so you all can go on this journey with me :)
P.S.- I wasn't going to do a blog about weight loss cuz I felt like I'd be putting myself out there too much BUT then a good friend of mine let me know it could serve as another level of accountability. How can I claim to be losing weight, show up at DHOE and look the same .... nah my pride won't let me go out like that. I'm sure the ole' smart Carolina folks are gonna be like "It's been 6 months, so 24 weeks, 2 lbs a week, 48 lbs or more is how much she SHOULD have lost 0_o" <<<<< yea, I'm not getting embarrassed lol so I figured now that I'm telling ya'll I'll remain diligent in my workouts ;) Welcome to the journey food and body pics BELOW!!!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
VOTE
I never did my blog expressing my political beliefs about abortion, gay marriage, etc. I didn't do it for 2 reasons:
1) I'm farrrr more conservative than I think people think. I don't care that people often disagree with my opinions because I have a very "old school, conservative, churchy" <<< [whatever you choose to call it] views as it relates to politics.
2) I don't feel like auguring about my beliefs .... You have yours, I have mine, I have no heaven nor hell to put you in so "do you"
What I will say is I did a post about Amendment One today and I thought it was worth repeating and giving a little insight into my political views.
Amendment One:
1) I'm farrrr more conservative than I think people think. I don't care that people often disagree with my opinions because I have a very "old school, conservative, churchy" <<< [whatever you choose to call it] views as it relates to politics.
2) I don't feel like auguring about my beliefs .... You have yours, I have mine, I have no heaven nor hell to put you in so "do you"
What I will say is I did a post about Amendment One today and I thought it was worth repeating and giving a little insight into my political views.
Amendment One:
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Ya'll some bad mutha ... SHUT YO MOUTH
Disclaimer: If you have kids between the ages of 10-17 and you DO NOT check their facebook page [ and have their facebook/phone/twitter password] - REGULARLY .... STOP READING NOW!!!!!!!!!
I just have a few questions:
1) Where are the parents?
2) When did they stop parenting?
3) Why did they stop parenting?
Here I am minding my own business, avoiding productivity and looking at facebook when I read MY little sister (who's 13) status that includes the word "a$$". You see how I bleeped that out? Yea.... she didn't! Confusion overcame me....
I used to curse like a sailor when I was 12-14 because I thought I was grown, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted and WHO was going to tell me different???? WANDA! I cursed when I WASN'T around my mother or any other adult for that matter. I don't curse now but if I did I still wouldn't curse around my mom/grandma/adults because I was taught that is DISRESPECTFUL. I can type "a$$" in my blog b/c I'm a proving a point but I couldn't even do that at 13 without getting slapped. So that makes me ask a few more questions.
4) We have the same mom ........ but different standards/values?
5) We have the same mom ..........but different calibers/definitions of respect?
WHAT IS WRONG HERE???
Listen, I've read that parents do their best parenting with the eldest child but MY LORD what are ya'll doing with the other kids? My sister and cousins get away w/ eye rolls, neck rolls, slamming doors, temper tantrums that I literally FEARED FOR MY LIFE to test the waters with. Instead these new kids out here defending their disrespect saying it's "free speech", an unalienable right <<<< too smart for their own good!
This blog may seem a little harsh but I honestly feel disrespected when I get on facebook and see my siblings and little cousins posting pics w/ their "abs" out, sexual innuendos in status', curse words, vulgar slang, etc. What I want to do is call them and check them BUT I know how to stay in my lane soooo this blog is a warning just to bring it to the parent's attention ...
I see it, other family members see it, it's a bad reflection and I say shut down their facebook, their twitter and take away the smart phones until the learn how to RESPECT their elders and themselves!
I just have a few questions:
1) Where are the parents?
2) When did they stop parenting?
3) Why did they stop parenting?
Here I am minding my own business, avoiding productivity and looking at facebook when I read MY little sister (who's 13) status that includes the word "a$$". You see how I bleeped that out? Yea.... she didn't! Confusion overcame me....
I used to curse like a sailor when I was 12-14 because I thought I was grown, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted and WHO was going to tell me different???? WANDA! I cursed when I WASN'T around my mother or any other adult for that matter. I don't curse now but if I did I still wouldn't curse around my mom/grandma/adults because I was taught that is DISRESPECTFUL. I can type "a$$" in my blog b/c I'm a proving a point but I couldn't even do that at 13 without getting slapped. So that makes me ask a few more questions.
4) We have the same mom ........ but different standards/values?
5) We have the same mom ..........but different calibers/definitions of respect?
WHAT IS WRONG HERE???
Listen, I've read that parents do their best parenting with the eldest child but MY LORD what are ya'll doing with the other kids? My sister and cousins get away w/ eye rolls, neck rolls, slamming doors, temper tantrums that I literally FEARED FOR MY LIFE to test the waters with. Instead these new kids out here defending their disrespect saying it's "free speech", an unalienable right <<<< too smart for their own good!
This blog may seem a little harsh but I honestly feel disrespected when I get on facebook and see my siblings and little cousins posting pics w/ their "abs" out, sexual innuendos in status', curse words, vulgar slang, etc. What I want to do is call them and check them BUT I know how to stay in my lane soooo this blog is a warning just to bring it to the parent's attention ...
I see it, other family members see it, it's a bad reflection and I say shut down their facebook, their twitter and take away the smart phones until the learn how to RESPECT their elders and themselves!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Distractions
I would like to pour it all out on the table for ya'll .... but I can't or rather I'm choosing not to.
At any rate, I haven't blogged in a while b/c I've been B-U-S-Y!!!!!!!!!!! It has take me like 100 days to read a 40 day devotional smh .... BUT I'm back on the scene now.
I miss having an 80 hour a week distraction.
The word "distraction" gets a bad wrap but the reality of it is .... distractions are often TEMPORARILY needed in life (especially when dealing with love). See distractions that play their role properly keep you from sending regrettable texts, they keep you from thinking about what coulda/shoulda/woulda been, they ensure safety b/c you can't be out busting windows out of cars if you are distracted properly, distractions are a VITAL coping mechanism when used correctly, they are supposed help you trick your mind into believing you are over a person just long enough for your heart to actually move on...
What happens when you fall in love with your distraction ??? DISASTER!!
So I simply wrote this blog to say; "distractions" get it together, quit making yourself easy to love, ... know your role & stay in your lane. Distractees (yea i made this up) .... DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR DISTRACTION!!!!!!!
At any rate, I haven't blogged in a while b/c I've been B-U-S-Y!!!!!!!!!!! It has take me like 100 days to read a 40 day devotional smh .... BUT I'm back on the scene now.
I miss having an 80 hour a week distraction.
The word "distraction" gets a bad wrap but the reality of it is .... distractions are often TEMPORARILY needed in life (especially when dealing with love). See distractions that play their role properly keep you from sending regrettable texts, they keep you from thinking about what coulda/shoulda/woulda been, they ensure safety b/c you can't be out busting windows out of cars if you are distracted properly, distractions are a VITAL coping mechanism when used correctly, they are supposed help you trick your mind into believing you are over a person just long enough for your heart to actually move on...
What happens when you fall in love with your distraction ??? DISASTER!!
So I simply wrote this blog to say; "distractions" get it together, quit making yourself easy to love, ... know your role & stay in your lane. Distractees (yea i made this up) .... DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR DISTRACTION!!!!!!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sanity over Stardom
For those that don't know when I was a kid (like 5-9) I wanted to be a superstar! I was in acting, drama, dance, arts,etc classes for those years. *I would tell ya'll ALL about the "Lil Rascal" audition BUT I don't like the story PLUS if you contact my mom, she'll have NO PROBLEM telling you all about it -__-*
Moving on, For a while I would ask God WHY didn't He allow one of my auditions, plays, etc to win me some recognition and lead me to being a child/teenage superstar?????? I felt like with Stardom, I (nor my family) would struggle financially, I'd be set by now and would be able to "give back" to the world with my talent/money.
THENNNNN Today I had a revelation. In lieu of all this Whitney Houston, Lindsey Lohan, & Chris Brown, stuff I realized .... I'd be CRAZY!
Perhaps the reason the Lord didn't let me take that path is because He was protecting my sanity? He didn't have drug addiction, piss poor money management, pornography addiciton, homosexuality, struggling with inner demons, vices & apetities in my PUBLIC/NATIONAL/WORLD testimony. Sade wouldn't be able to handle interviews w/ Nancy Grace, Bill O'Riley, Perez, etc .... I don't do well with people asking me questions [that I don't want to answer] soooo I could see how I wouldn't know how to act with my life in the public eye.
So, I wrote blog for anyone who had/has dreams of becoming a star. Sometimes that interview/audition didn't pan out because the Lord knows what the pressures of stardom will do to your life! We all have our own lives to live and God does grant us the desires of our heart BUT you have to know yourself. Let HIS desires/purpose/testimony for your life trump yours b/c the grass will forever look greener on the other side UNTIL you get over there and realize ..... it was food coloring ;)
FIGHT to find PEACE in His PURPOSE for YOU!
Moving on, For a while I would ask God WHY didn't He allow one of my auditions, plays, etc to win me some recognition and lead me to being a child/teenage superstar?????? I felt like with Stardom, I (nor my family) would struggle financially, I'd be set by now and would be able to "give back" to the world with my talent/money.
THENNNNN Today I had a revelation. In lieu of all this Whitney Houston, Lindsey Lohan, & Chris Brown, stuff I realized .... I'd be CRAZY!
Perhaps the reason the Lord didn't let me take that path is because He was protecting my sanity? He didn't have drug addiction, piss poor money management, pornography addiciton, homosexuality, struggling with inner demons, vices & apetities in my PUBLIC/NATIONAL/WORLD testimony. Sade wouldn't be able to handle interviews w/ Nancy Grace, Bill O'Riley, Perez, etc .... I don't do well with people asking me questions [that I don't want to answer] soooo I could see how I wouldn't know how to act with my life in the public eye.
So, I wrote blog for anyone who had/has dreams of becoming a star. Sometimes that interview/audition didn't pan out because the Lord knows what the pressures of stardom will do to your life! We all have our own lives to live and God does grant us the desires of our heart BUT you have to know yourself. Let HIS desires/purpose/testimony for your life trump yours b/c the grass will forever look greener on the other side UNTIL you get over there and realize ..... it was food coloring ;)
FIGHT to find PEACE in His PURPOSE for YOU!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
A Homeless Heart
Hello World!
Many of you know me to be a very vocal person and I typically have no problem letting people know how I feel when I have a disdain for something [someone]. However, many of you also know that I am on quest, a quest to become a better, more mature person. This has been quite a challenge to hold my tongue in the "Internet realm" and not blog things like "forget that N*gga", "How to sue a hoe", etc. I think I am justified in any stance I take towards this matter BUT as the Bible says, "All things are lawful for me BUT not all things are expedient". So, since I'm on a quest to have peace in my life & be a peaceful voice in the lives of those around me, I'll refrain ;)
This blog is dedicated to those whom the economy has affected in the worst way... the homeless!
I NEVER thought in a MILLION years that I wouldn't have a permanent address. My job requires me to move A LOT so I would send my bank statements, tax forms, phone bills, car notes, etc to my "permanent address" aka my momma house.
We moved into 107 Cheney Ct. when I was in the 7th grade(I hated it b/c Garner was so far from everything) and it was my moms first house! That house saw everything: bday parties, fights, graduation parties, whoopings, tears and every intimate moment a family could share in a 3 level, 4 bedroom home!
The house was foreclosed on Jan 17th.
My heart hurts.
So now my mother and my sister are homeless.
No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't register for me.
Part of my heart wants to move back to NC & figure out a way to take care of my family. Part of me wants my step-dad to step up to the plate & do his job, considering they aren't divorced yet. Part of me wants to fly them out to Iowa to live in my apartment. My mind, heart, soul, are all out of whack.... there is a HUGE vacancy in my heart where "home" used to be... my heart is homeless! My heart hurts & I cry nightly b/c the pain of hearing a 13 year old cry because she wants "to go home" will give you a new perspective on pain. My mom is strong. She was a single parent for 5-7 years, we lived in poverty when I was little, she's a gansta! However, my sister ..... she was Daddy's Princess, shoot, she was the QUEEN! Now, she's a beggar and I know the pains of fiction becoming a harsh reality.
So, I wrote this blog because I used to drive past the homeless man at the intersection of 54 and 55 in Durham & SMH. I used to wonder what it's like for a family to live out of a hotel. I would judge the homeless b/c I thought there was something THEY did that bought that lifestyle on themselves BUT now, I KNOW BETTER. I could have been a series of unfortunate events that lead them to homelessness.
I'm speaking out about this b/c when you see Sade or Wanda or Lafi, or Mrs. Smith & her 3 kids, Mr. Doe & his family ... we will probably be smiling, joking, facebooking, tweeting, etc but you NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THEIR REAL LIFE! This blog isn't for a pity party b/c I KNOW that this is just a test. Without a TEST there is NO TESTIMONY sooo I'm ok w/ that. More importantly when I am balling, I'll buy my mom 4 houses, 1 for each season if she wants...
I just want ya'll to understand that life can sometimes foreclose on your hopes, dreams,& promises. Leaving a vacancy in your heart, mind, & soul. So if you bump into someone who's homeless/heartless, don't judge them, LOVE & PRAY for THEM!
-A Homeless Heart
Many of you know me to be a very vocal person and I typically have no problem letting people know how I feel when I have a disdain for something [someone]. However, many of you also know that I am on quest, a quest to become a better, more mature person. This has been quite a challenge to hold my tongue in the "Internet realm" and not blog things like "forget that N*gga", "How to sue a hoe", etc. I think I am justified in any stance I take towards this matter BUT as the Bible says, "All things are lawful for me BUT not all things are expedient". So, since I'm on a quest to have peace in my life & be a peaceful voice in the lives of those around me, I'll refrain ;)
This blog is dedicated to those whom the economy has affected in the worst way... the homeless!
I NEVER thought in a MILLION years that I wouldn't have a permanent address. My job requires me to move A LOT so I would send my bank statements, tax forms, phone bills, car notes, etc to my "permanent address" aka my momma house.
We moved into 107 Cheney Ct. when I was in the 7th grade
The house was foreclosed on Jan 17th.
My heart hurts.
So now my mother and my sister are homeless.
No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't register for me.
Part of my heart wants to move back to NC & figure out a way to take care of my family. Part of me wants my step-dad to step up to the plate & do his job, considering they aren't divorced yet. Part of me wants to fly them out to Iowa to live in my apartment. My mind, heart, soul, are all out of whack.... there is a HUGE vacancy in my heart where "home" used to be... my heart is homeless! My heart hurts & I cry nightly b/c the pain of hearing a 13 year old cry because she wants "to go home" will give you a new perspective on pain. My mom is strong. She was a single parent for 5-7 years, we lived in poverty when I was little, she's a gansta! However, my sister ..... she was Daddy's Princess, shoot, she was the QUEEN! Now, she's a beggar and I know the pains of fiction becoming a harsh reality.
So, I wrote this blog because I used to drive past the homeless man at the intersection of 54 and 55 in Durham & SMH. I used to wonder what it's like for a family to live out of a hotel. I would judge the homeless b/c I thought there was something THEY did that bought that lifestyle on themselves BUT now, I KNOW BETTER. I could have been a series of unfortunate events that lead them to homelessness.
I'm speaking out about this b/c when you see Sade or Wanda or Lafi, or Mrs. Smith & her 3 kids, Mr. Doe & his family ... we will probably be smiling, joking, facebooking, tweeting, etc but you NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THEIR REAL LIFE! This blog isn't for a pity party b/c I KNOW that this is just a test. Without a TEST there is NO TESTIMONY sooo I'm ok w/ that. More importantly when I am balling, I'll buy my mom 4 houses, 1 for each season if she wants...
I just want ya'll to understand that life can sometimes foreclose on your hopes, dreams,& promises. Leaving a vacancy in your heart, mind, & soul. So if you bump into someone who's homeless/heartless, don't judge them, LOVE & PRAY for THEM!
-A Homeless Heart
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Happy
I know 1/2 of y'all don't care, but for those that do:
I'm happy!
I'm happy because I have some peace in my life. My sister once told me that peace is precious! The older I get, the more I understand! I really value having peace of mind/spirit/soul/etc I have learned to dislike living in chaos ESPECIALLY chaos that I've created for myself. Every area of my life is not sorted out BUT I am at peace with where things are. I have some serious inner demons that I'm fighting through BUT I am at peace because I know that God loves and cares about me regardless!
I'm happy because I get to go home. They say home is where the heart is, they ain't NEVA lied lol
I've missed EVERYONE, I've been out here in the Arctic BY MYSELF for 7 months & I CANNOT wait to come home :)
That's pretty much it, I'm happy and I know *claps my hands*
I'm happy!
I'm happy because I have some peace in my life. My sister once told me that peace is precious! The older I get, the more I understand! I really value having peace of mind/spirit/soul/etc I have learned to dislike living in chaos ESPECIALLY chaos that I've created for myself. Every area of my life is not sorted out BUT I am at peace with where things are. I have some serious inner demons that I'm fighting through BUT I am at peace because I know that God loves and cares about me regardless!
I'm happy because I get to go home. They say home is where the heart is, they ain't NEVA lied lol
I've missed EVERYONE, I've been out here in the Arctic BY MYSELF for 7 months & I CANNOT wait to come home :)
That's pretty much it, I'm happy and I know *claps my hands*
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
24
So at 12am, I turn 24 yours old!
Tonight really does begin a new chapter in my life. I think the Lord is telling me that this will be a year of "firsts":
1) my FIRST time celebrating my birthday away from family/friends
2) my FIRST b-day not being able to go visit my cousin's grave (weird, I know BUT it gives me peace & makes me feel like we still get to celebrate together... don't judge me)
3) my FIRST time spending my birthday is a different time zone
This is ALL new to me! Part of me is excited because it is a new leaf BUT the other part of me is scared.
Scared of what is to come, what is my future?
Will I have to spend another birthday alone?
Will I EVER come to grips with losing my cousin?
Will I ever be able to forgive my step-dad?
I'm just a big ball of questions these days HOWEVER I know 2 things to be TRUE:
1) With older age should come growth & maturity and I'm going to take this time alone to really evaluate myself and my life so far. Some of my past/present vices, demons, qualms, hiccups, etc need to pass away. I think most of them I'll probably battle inwardly throughout life BUT others' are just my fleshly desires and honestly, sins that I like committing (don't judge me).
2) The Lord loves me and wants what's best for me. I saw a status from Sarah that said, "
Tonight really does begin a new chapter in my life. I think the Lord is telling me that this will be a year of "firsts":
1) my FIRST time celebrating my birthday away from family/friends
2) my FIRST b-day not being able to go visit my cousin's grave (weird, I know BUT it gives me peace & makes me feel like we still get to celebrate together... don't judge me)
3) my FIRST time spending my birthday is a different time zone
This is ALL new to me! Part of me is excited because it is a new leaf BUT the other part of me is scared.
Scared of what is to come, what is my future?
Will I have to spend another birthday alone?
Will I EVER come to grips with losing my cousin?
Will I ever be able to forgive my step-dad?
I'm just a big ball of questions these days HOWEVER I know 2 things to be TRUE:
1) With older age should come growth & maturity and I'm going to take this time alone to really evaluate myself and my life so far. Some of my past/present vices, demons, qualms, hiccups, etc need to pass away. I think most of them I'll probably battle inwardly throughout life BUT others' are just my fleshly desires and honestly, sins that I like committing (don't judge me).
2) The Lord loves me and wants what's best for me. I saw a status from Sarah that said, "
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Compilations of my heart
Well since I've been in my feelings lately, might as well let y'all know what I've been listening too that's been keeping me there ... NOW before you play ANY of these songs LOL know that they put/keep me in my feelings SOOOO unless you're good as staying out of yours ... you should leave this blog... NOW lol
1st is Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith cover of "Thinking about you" ---
"People just say live in the moment, don't be scared.....Everyday that I don't see you, you're slipping away"
Anyway, I LOVE the original version & I also LOVE Bridgette Kelly version w/ Frank Ocean, you should yo youtube those...NOW
"Tell you I love you everyday and that'll never stop, They say that it's true love, but is love true? Yea I think it's love, that's why I found you"
.... This song is a PROBLEM!
2nd
Drake "Doing it Wrong"
"So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you, that's the wrong thing to do
Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you, that's the wrong thing to do
Talk if you need to but I can't stay to hear you, that's the wrong thing to do
cuz you'll say you love me and I'll end up lying & say I love you too"
Ummmmm we all try to be the "good girl/guy" or the "Captain save a hoe" but the things is ... in the end "it's the wrong thing to do" b/c all we're really doing and giving the person hope and making them think there is a future between ya'll when that may not be reality. So, going back to my poem from yesterday....Quit sending mixed messages, if you're done w/ a person- LET THEM GO so that they can LET YOU GO & MOVE on w/ their life.
The wrong things to do:
-Send text saying you miss/love them, wish things could be different, etc ...
-E-mail poems, electronic cards, etc ....
-Call them to ask how they are doing & leave a voicemail
You think you're making it better BUT honestly, you're causing them more pain & it makes it harder to let u go #thatisall
3rd:
Beyonce "I'd rather go blind" - #1 You need to see Cadillac records to fully understand the pain in this song.
#2 I can't think of stronger lyrics than "I'd rather be blind than to see you walk away from me", I feel like you can ONLY write lyrics like that IF you fully understand how you can love someone SOOO much and for SOOO long, that you don't even think you can ever see ANYONE, ANYTHING, ANY other person the same w/out them ... essentially leaving you BLIND!
"I love you so much that I don't want to watch you leave me, MOST OF ALL I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE FREE" --- "want to be free"???? this implies that you are CHOOSING to stay in bondage, entangled, in love .... WOW!
I'm not a psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist, etc. But I am human and I understand Love. I understand what happens when you love someone & they don't love you back, anymore.... It can drive you insane!
Words from my heart
I loved you more
More than life
Deeper than the ocean
I loved you wholly
I was confused but I still loved no one but you
you entangled me,
made me compliant,
I was forced to bend to your will.
You made me fall in love with you
....
Then you left
Left me emotionally vulnerable
I can't love anyone else b/c I'm STILL too busy loving you
You made me dependent on "us"
then you abandoned "us"
.....
Now I'm nothing
I hear from you sporadically, always on your time
I hear from you when you NEED something, or god forbid you need me
....
and what do I do?
....
I'm still waiting 4 you to love me again
Still standing here waiting for you
Waiting for Sade
Hoping that this impressionable young girl will eventually bloom
Waiting for you
Waiting for LOVE
....
The kind of Love that can save me from loving you
The kind of Love that can heal me from missing you
The kind of Love that can make me forget you
....
Looking for Love in all the wrong places ...
b/c if I'm honest w/ myself, I'm still
Looking for YOU!
More than life
Deeper than the ocean
I loved you wholly
I was confused but I still loved no one but you
you entangled me,
made me compliant,
I was forced to bend to your will.
You made me fall in love with you
....
Then you left
Left me emotionally vulnerable
I can't love anyone else b/c I'm STILL too busy loving you
You made me dependent on "us"
then you abandoned "us"
.....
Now I'm nothing
I hear from you sporadically, always on your time
I hear from you when you NEED something, or god forbid you need me
....
and what do I do?
....
I'm still waiting 4 you to love me again
Still standing here waiting for you
Waiting for Sade
Hoping that this impressionable young girl will eventually bloom
Waiting for you
Waiting for LOVE
....
The kind of Love that can save me from loving you
The kind of Love that can heal me from missing you
The kind of Love that can make me forget you
....
Looking for Love in all the wrong places ...
b/c if I'm honest w/ myself, I'm still
Looking for YOU!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Deal
I sat here lamenting b/c I'm not going to be able to be in NC for my birthday (Nov 23rd) and Thanksgiving :( I've NEVER spent a birthday away from my family & friends and I'm going through A LOT of separation anxiety. Having a birthday dinner ALONE, makes me feel lonely.....
THEN I snapped out of it!
I reflected on where I was my last birthday. I had my "Jordan Year (23)" and had NOTHING to show for it. No degree, no "real" job, living paycheck to paycheck, drinking to soothe my pains, and praying that I could live a better life. Praying that I could be a better person and provide for my family.
THEN I was presented with an opportunity...
To go on a quest, like the greek and roman gods, a quest to become who I'm supposed to be. Leaving my sheltered world and meeting new people, seeing new places, & finding Sade.
I took the opportunity
Opportunity Cost: (I hated Econ 101 BUT I remember this lesson vividly) "The opportunity cost is also the cost of the forgone products after making a choice. Opportunity cost is a key concept in economics, and has been described as expressing "the basic relationship between scarcity and choice".The notion of opportunity cost plays a crucial part in ensuring that scarce resources are used efficiently.Thus, opportunity costs are not restricted to monetary or financial costs: the real cost of output forgone, lost time, pleasure or any other benefit that provides utility should also be considered opportunity costs" (Wikipedia).
What does it all really mean?
I begged God to change me and change my situation. He did! I accepted His blessing. I'm not doing "great" by any means BUT I'm networking, growing my financial portfolio,& expanding my resume. So I'm doing BETTER than I was a year ago.
He did His part BUT with blessings comes growth & maturity. And there is ALWAYS a price to pay. I accepted this price when I took "The Deal" BUT living with it is totally different.
Anyway, I wrote this blog to let ya'll know, I am NO LONGER going to lament about not being in NC for my bday, Thanksgiving or anything else. I'm where I'm supposed to be, ALONE. On a journey to the depths of Sade. I miss ya'll & I know ya'll miss me BUT what I'm gaining out here is far more than what NC had to offer me- I'm growing up!
THEN I snapped out of it!
I reflected on where I was my last birthday. I had my "Jordan Year (23)" and had NOTHING to show for it. No degree, no "real" job, living paycheck to paycheck, drinking to soothe my pains, and praying that I could live a better life. Praying that I could be a better person and provide for my family.
THEN I was presented with an opportunity...
To go on a quest, like the greek and roman gods, a quest to become who I'm supposed to be. Leaving my sheltered world and meeting new people, seeing new places, & finding Sade.
I took the opportunity
Opportunity Cost: (I hated Econ 101 BUT I remember this lesson vividly) "The opportunity cost is also the cost of the forgone products after making a choice. Opportunity cost is a key concept in economics, and has been described as expressing "the basic relationship between scarcity and choice".The notion of opportunity cost plays a crucial part in ensuring that scarce resources are used efficiently.Thus, opportunity costs are not restricted to monetary or financial costs: the real cost of output forgone, lost time, pleasure or any other benefit that provides utility should also be considered opportunity costs" (Wikipedia).
What does it all really mean?
I begged God to change me and change my situation. He did! I accepted His blessing. I'm not doing "great" by any means BUT I'm networking, growing my financial portfolio,& expanding my resume. So I'm doing BETTER than I was a year ago.
He did His part BUT with blessings comes growth & maturity. And there is ALWAYS a price to pay. I accepted this price when I took "The Deal" BUT living with it is totally different.
Anyway, I wrote this blog to let ya'll know, I am NO LONGER going to lament about not being in NC for my bday, Thanksgiving or anything else. I'm where I'm supposed to be, ALONE. On a journey to the depths of Sade. I miss ya'll & I know ya'll miss me BUT what I'm gaining out here is far more than what NC had to offer me- I'm growing up!
Live.
Greetings,
Normally, I like to keep my blog fun & entertaining while sending y'all some life lessons that I've learned HOWEVER, today I'm going to be more on the serious side. Today's topic is about the GREATEST gift that God gives us, LIFE!
April 8, 2007:
Less than a month ago, I buried my bday twin/cousin. Less than 2 weeks prior, I buried my great-grandmother. This day, the day our savior rose from the grave- I no longer wanted to live. I had borrowed someones car & then locked the keys in the car. Couldn't get a tow truck, campus police, carrboro police to open the door b/c it was Easter and the police "can't do it" because there was no imminent danger to a child. The car was stolen.
April 9, 2007:
My purse was in the car, my wallet, my books for school, my life. The other person's papers for work and class. I remember walking around the corner where I left the car parked and seeing.... NOTHING but shattered glass on the ground. I lost my breath!
My grades were slipping, my cousin was gone, my great-grandmother was gone, my identity (wallet, purse, etc) was stolen. More importantly, I could NEVER get that person's car back .... and it was my fault.
I was dropped off at Hinton James North, I was crying, I couldn't see out my own eyes. The weight of the world was upon on 19 year old shoulders & the weight became unbearable...
I considered my options silently. Would I buy a gun on Franklin street and shoot myself? Nah, I might end up in jail
Would I hang myself from my bed? Nah, I'm short but I'm not THAT short
I needed something to take the pain away.
I walked into Hinton James North, with all intentions of never walking out...
I got to my room. My suite mate tried to console me .... I told her to get out of my room & she left.
I took pills as I wrote a letter to the ones I loved the most. I understood that I was about to commit was a sin BUT I didn't care. I needed to tell my story, I needed to apologize b/c the car getting stolen was my fault. I needed to provide my mom with the answer to "why"...
I got to pill #4, I was drowsy... the room was spinning... everything was unclear.
I went to my suites mates room and sat down on the futon as she folded her laundry.
*I remember bits and pieces of the rest*
I woke up with needles in my arms, doctors talking, my mother crying and my step father in the room. They wanted to commit me to psych ward. My mom begged them to let her take me home. They refused. I was put in a wheel chair & wheeled down a white hallway, my mom signing papers & crying. I remember feeling sad.
April 10, 2007:
I woke up! They didn't have room on the psych ward, so they put me on the eating disorder floor. I woke up to anorexic girls that knew that I CLEARLY wasn't there for the same reason they were. My suite mate bought my clothes to the hospital.
I spent 3 days and 2 nights of my life on suicide watch. Supervised showers, no shoe strings in my timberland boots, all visiotrs had to have a code-word, nurses checked my vitals in the middle of the night, being pumped with anti-depressants, nurses made sure u swallowed your meds. I was crazy!
It was in those 3 days my life changed, FOREVER.
I wanted to feel the sun in the spring, I wanted to touch the plants, I wanted to shower w/out being watched, I didn't want to HAVE to have "art time", "TV time", "quiet time", "group time" etc.
I wrote this blog b/c suicide is real. I could have died that day in HJ North. Shoot, I wanted to die that day in HJ North. Someone that I know is struggling with wanting to live. I am sharing my story in hopes that it will save you!
I got my first tattoo b/c to me it represents Jesus dying and God raising him from the dead i.e. Easter. I was as good as dead & God bought me back to life.
Cherish your life. It gets hard, but enjoy the gift. Smell the flowers, play in the snow, dance in the rain, feel life's highs & lows ... you're human and more importantly you're LIVING.
Live.Laugh.Love
- Uniqua
Normally, I like to keep my blog fun & entertaining while sending y'all some life lessons that I've learned HOWEVER, today I'm going to be more on the serious side. Today's topic is about the GREATEST gift that God gives us, LIFE!
April 8, 2007:
Less than a month ago, I buried my bday twin/cousin. Less than 2 weeks prior, I buried my great-grandmother. This day, the day our savior rose from the grave- I no longer wanted to live. I had borrowed someones car & then locked the keys in the car. Couldn't get a tow truck, campus police, carrboro police to open the door b/c it was Easter and the police "can't do it" because there was no imminent danger to a child. The car was stolen.
April 9, 2007:
My purse was in the car, my wallet, my books for school, my life. The other person's papers for work and class. I remember walking around the corner where I left the car parked and seeing.... NOTHING but shattered glass on the ground. I lost my breath!
My grades were slipping, my cousin was gone, my great-grandmother was gone, my identity (wallet, purse, etc) was stolen. More importantly, I could NEVER get that person's car back .... and it was my fault.
I was dropped off at Hinton James North, I was crying, I couldn't see out my own eyes. The weight of the world was upon on 19 year old shoulders & the weight became unbearable...
I considered my options silently. Would I buy a gun on Franklin street and shoot myself? Nah, I might end up in jail
Would I hang myself from my bed? Nah, I'm short but I'm not THAT short
I needed something to take the pain away.
I walked into Hinton James North, with all intentions of never walking out...
I got to my room. My suite mate tried to console me .... I told her to get out of my room & she left.
I took pills as I wrote a letter to the ones I loved the most. I understood that I was about to commit was a sin BUT I didn't care. I needed to tell my story, I needed to apologize b/c the car getting stolen was my fault. I needed to provide my mom with the answer to "why"...
I got to pill #4, I was drowsy... the room was spinning... everything was unclear.
I went to my suites mates room and sat down on the futon as she folded her laundry.
*I remember bits and pieces of the rest*
I woke up with needles in my arms, doctors talking, my mother crying and my step father in the room. They wanted to commit me to psych ward. My mom begged them to let her take me home. They refused. I was put in a wheel chair & wheeled down a white hallway, my mom signing papers & crying. I remember feeling sad.
April 10, 2007:
I woke up! They didn't have room on the psych ward, so they put me on the eating disorder floor. I woke up to anorexic girls that knew that I CLEARLY wasn't there for the same reason they were. My suite mate bought my clothes to the hospital.
I spent 3 days and 2 nights of my life on suicide watch. Supervised showers, no shoe strings in my timberland boots, all visiotrs had to have a code-word, nurses checked my vitals in the middle of the night, being pumped with anti-depressants, nurses made sure u swallowed your meds. I was crazy!
It was in those 3 days my life changed, FOREVER.
I wanted to feel the sun in the spring, I wanted to touch the plants, I wanted to shower w/out being watched, I didn't want to HAVE to have "art time", "TV time", "quiet time", "group time" etc.
I wrote this blog b/c suicide is real. I could have died that day in HJ North. Shoot, I wanted to die that day in HJ North. Someone that I know is struggling with wanting to live. I am sharing my story in hopes that it will save you!
I got my first tattoo b/c to me it represents Jesus dying and God raising him from the dead i.e. Easter. I was as good as dead & God bought me back to life.
Cherish your life. It gets hard, but enjoy the gift. Smell the flowers, play in the snow, dance in the rain, feel life's highs & lows ... you're human and more importantly you're LIVING.
Live.Laugh.Love
- Uniqua
Friday, November 4, 2011
Eat. Pray. Love. Updates
Hello, hello, hello, hello, black America
Just wanted to update ya'll on my life, since I have been forsaking ya'll. I've been working HARD in these streets but I did miss ya'll. I haven't been home since July and I miss EVERYBODY.... like for real, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm still working out logistics BUT right now I probably won't be back in NC until Dec :( Anyways, I came out here 2 the mid-west to Eat, Pray & Love soooo imma update ya'll
Eat:
Yo, Chicago is AMAZINGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! I've had Thai food for the first time (DELICIOUS), REAL Chicago pizza (which puts pizza hut, papa johns, etc, to SHAME), I ate at Famous Dave's (bruh competed on Food Nework & ya'll know i <3 food network), They have Gryos on EVERY corner! I had a Gyro cheeseburger for the first time .... YUMO! The only thing I haven't branched out to try yet isssss "Italian Beef" <<< yo it's WET MEAT/BREAD .... reminds me of Quizno's (which I don't eat) ... they dunk a sandwich in wetness and something about eating soggy bread w/ wet meat doesn't sounds delicious!!!!! Needless to say, I've been eating good!!!!
Pray:
Yea........ not so much! SMH ... I'm sure God hitting me w/ the -____- . Anyway, I left everything I loved to find Sade. I'm supposed to be seeking after God so that He can show me, ME. I forgot that :( Soooo I've been doing better lately, reading self-help books and praying so that I can become a better person. For those that don't know I'm currently reading "Yesterday, I cried" by Iyanla Vanzant .... GREAT book. I'm on Chapter 7 so I'm about 1/2 way done but overall, I LOVE IT! It has been awhile since I've cried BUT I remember when I cried EVERYDAY. I remember not knowing how I was going to pay my bills, eat, get gas, etc. I recall what sadness felt like and this book is helping we explore my emotional side :) So, yes, I fell off with focusing on my relationship with God BUT I promise ya'll I'm getting back on track :)
Love:
......................................................... lol, ya'll KNOW how I feel about my personal life lol I like to keep it PERSONAL. What I will say is that I've met some AMAZING people in Chicago! I've taken every person that I've met as a life professor and they've really helped me learn! I'm opening to people, I'm allowing people fully & totally in my life/heart and it is a great feeling to be loved back ;) So I'll suffice it so say.... I have the "Love" part down-packed!
Iight, Well that's all I got right now! I hope everyone else is doing well, chasing ya dreams so that they can become a reality! I <3 ya'll and I PROMISE not to take this long to blog again :)
<3
Just wanted to update ya'll on my life, since I have been forsaking ya'll. I've been working HARD in these streets but I did miss ya'll. I haven't been home since July and I miss EVERYBODY.... like for real, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm still working out logistics BUT right now I probably won't be back in NC until Dec :( Anyways, I came out here 2 the mid-west to Eat, Pray & Love soooo imma update ya'll
Eat:
Yo, Chicago is AMAZINGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!! I've had Thai food for the first time (DELICIOUS), REAL Chicago pizza (which puts pizza hut, papa johns, etc, to SHAME), I ate at Famous Dave's (bruh competed on Food Nework & ya'll know i <3 food network), They have Gryos on EVERY corner! I had a Gyro cheeseburger for the first time .... YUMO! The only thing I haven't branched out to try yet isssss "Italian Beef" <<< yo it's WET MEAT/BREAD .... reminds me of Quizno's (which I don't eat) ... they dunk a sandwich in wetness and something about eating soggy bread w/ wet meat doesn't sounds delicious!!!!! Needless to say, I've been eating good!!!!
Pray:
Yea........ not so much! SMH ... I'm sure God hitting me w/ the -____- . Anyway, I left everything I loved to find Sade. I'm supposed to be seeking after God so that He can show me, ME. I forgot that :( Soooo I've been doing better lately, reading self-help books and praying so that I can become a better person. For those that don't know I'm currently reading "Yesterday, I cried" by Iyanla Vanzant .... GREAT book. I'm on Chapter 7 so I'm about 1/2 way done but overall, I LOVE IT! It has been awhile since I've cried BUT I remember when I cried EVERYDAY. I remember not knowing how I was going to pay my bills, eat, get gas, etc. I recall what sadness felt like and this book is helping we explore my emotional side :) So, yes, I fell off with focusing on my relationship with God BUT I promise ya'll I'm getting back on track :)
Love:
......................................................... lol, ya'll KNOW how I feel about my personal life lol I like to keep it PERSONAL. What I will say is that I've met some AMAZING people in Chicago! I've taken every person that I've met as a life professor and they've really helped me learn! I'm opening to people, I'm allowing people fully & totally in my life/heart and it is a great feeling to be loved back ;) So I'll suffice it so say.... I have the "Love" part down-packed!
Iight, Well that's all I got right now! I hope everyone else is doing well, chasing ya dreams so that they can become a reality! I <3 ya'll and I PROMISE not to take this long to blog again :)
<3
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