Change of Heart

So, in one of my older blogs I wrote a letter to my biological father ( http://uniquecadence.blogspot.com/2011/01/day-24-part-2-o-father-where-art.html ) and within this blog I asked a question that a lot of this generation toggles with "it is better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved?" and I ALWAYS respond with it is better to have loved & lost" because at least you have experienced LOVE.

Today, I've changed my mind. It is better to have NEVER loved than to have love ripped away from you!  Why you ask?

I went to Ohio this weekend to visit my lil cousins and I realized.... I rather not know who my father is from "who shot John" than to KNOW my father and he never calls, never text, never makes an effort to TRY to love me! 
Thank God the kids aren't bitter and in fact they are hopeful that their dad will "come around" BUT my heart was sooooooo hurt to know that a man in MY family has caused them pain, hurts me beyond belief!!

What kind of man deserts his responsibility to raise HIS kids???? I wish someone could help me understand how you choose not to love someone that wouldn't be here if it weren't for YOU!!! That's YOUR blood in their veins, YOUR DNA... How can you ignore yourself?

I'll never get an answer and I'm ok with that b/c in all honesty, my uncle doesn't HAVE to answer to me.  But what I can guarantee is that he will have to answer to his kids one day.  In the meantime, I'll pray that when they grow up, they aren't anything like Sade b/c Sade would choose to NEVER answer the phone, respond to a letter, text back, or anything else b/c clearly you proved that you don't care anything about me!  But again, I hope they are more forgiving...

Lastly, To all the deadbeats out there (Including any in my family), I hope you NEVER get another wink of sleep until you repair the relationship between you are your children!

<3, Sade

Day 15 of 26 .... Cliche' (N)

Day 15: A word or cliche that people say and you hate it.

"Fake it til you Make it"

I absolutely HATE this cliche'.  Why? because my follow up question for this cliche' is ... What IF you DON'T make it?  Call me a pessimist, faithless, or even a negative Nancy but, I prefer to be considered a REALIST! 

The reality of it all is being fake will NEVER get you anywhere.  I think it's ignorant to waste your time faking it, when what you SHOULD be doing is planning, setting goals so you can map out a trajectory to "making it".  Instead of wasting your time and money trying to look like you have it all together.....

Today's Letter is 'N'
I'm going with "Nobody Knows it but me" - Baby Face <<< I know it's a throw back BUT I love his music and I think RnB is becoming a lost art :(

Text in my inbox (M)

Day 14: Last ten texts in your inbox.
I think this has been the most weird of all the prompts I've seen.  More importantly, it could lead to ALL KINDS of trouble *evil villain laugh*  anyway: (imma go most recent to oldest verbatim then a brief background)

1) "Oh wht time u gettin off?" <<< self explanatory

2) "haha I was just tryna be helpful" <<<someone told me something I already knew

3) "awwwwwwww" <<< I sent them a photo

4) "True..." <<< I was talking about work

5) "I'm gonna call her" <<< tryna get somebody put on at my job

6) "ohmygoodness! I  love it! Super cute and professional" <<< I sent them the same photo

7) "ok ill wait tillbu hit me up then" <<< I told him to give me some space

8) "where are you located" <<< self explanatory

9) Red Box sent me a free DVD code .... I will be using it tonight :)

10) "nah. haven't been on fb or twitter. What's the blog abt? And who?" <<< I blogged about them & they hadn't seen it yet SMH

*wipes forehead* Glad there wasn't anything "bad" in there ;)

Part II:
Today's Letter is "M"
Well, gotta show respect where respect is due ... today's song is "Motivation" - Kelly Rowland & Weezy <<<< such an addictive song (So addictive, my grandma knows it SMH)..... I'm still working on the gospel version ... s/o 2 my "what key are we gonna be in" crew

Letters to my Siblings ... Tek

First off, Let me tell ya'll i am TRULY blessed to have friends that I really do consider siblings.  So this letter is dedicated to none other than Tamekia L. Foxx:

Dear Tek, Mek, Ta-me-ki-a, pookie, sensi, Teko, La...... the list goes on

I Love You! I fight with you more than anyone & we bump heads REGULARLY but NEVER doubt that I LOVE YOU!

You are the inspiration (outside of God) as to why I am here in Cedar Rapids Iowa !!!! A simple suggestion from you changed my life for the better. You rode/drove with me in a car for 20 HOURS from NC to IA.  You have pushed me so far.... you ALWAYS hold me to a high standard.  You are YOU!

Tek, I just want to say thank you! You've been there for me when I've had $0 to my name.  When I've had no car you gave me a ride.  When I had no food, you came to my job w/ food and $20 in the bag.  We almost fought b/c I was a lowkey alcoholic.  We then cried together..... Thank You for being my sister, co-spy, ride out partner, security guard at the club, secret keeper, auntie, dad, cousin, mom, everything!



We always have a special bond in photos


Our friendship has grown from just seeing you at "cult events" to being sad when I haven't heard from you all day!You always know HOW to make me happy (fun fetti cupcakes) and WHEN to be stern & tell me about myself (daily lol).  I'm not sure WHY God saw fit to bring our lives together but I'm glad He did! 

You are soooo little in frame BUT you have the BIGGEST heart! You NEVER judge (I can't figure out how you don't either), and even when you're upset with me.... it's never for too long!

I wish you much success in EVERY endeavor of your life.  I KNOW that God has something (and someone) special for you.  You've been through SOOOO many trials and have SOOO much wisdom to share with the world!  I can't wait to see your dreams come true :) I only hope that I've been 1/2 the friend you've been to me....

Stay strong, stay happy, stay confident, stay Foxxy!

Love,
ProdiGal Child .....Sade

Hello World

Hello World ... *taps mic* Is this things on??
I has been a minute & I've been feeling soooo much since I last blogged sooo excuse me if this blog is longer than most :)

1) Iowa- Iowa is cool! Honesly, it is as hot as NC soooo I'm NOT excited about that LOL but the humidity always reminds me of home :)
Anyway, I FINALLY finished training on Monday (it was one of the most intense things I've been through in my life.  Homework due to midnight nightly and classroom setting 8am-5pm and sometimes 8am-8pm BUT it was all worth it in the end)
I haven't had a chance to sight-see yet BUT I fully plan on it next week ;)

2) I'm 'moving' to Chicago on Aug 28th to set up a call center :) I'm beyond excited b/c I get to test my training b/c I'll be all alone :) ALSO if you are trying to come to Chi-town, hit me up... I leave Oct 21st ;)

3) I'm lonely ... don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything, I'm just lonely.  Yesterday was the FIRST day I was alone since Ive been in Iowa!!!!! Mek came w/ me to Iowa, Julisa stayed w/ me til Sunday & i made friends w/ my co-trainees during our whole month of training...soooo now, I'm actually ALONE!
a) No worries though, I'm going to start working out ... join #Team NO Back Fat (compliments of Rhonda Foxx) aka team body tight for homecoming
b) Reading ... I don't have cable nor wireless sooooo when I'm not watching movies, I'll read books :)

4) I want to be loved. *bbm shock face* yea, I know! Me, Sade Uniqua Gilbert actually wants to be in a relationship.  I think I'm FINALLY at the point where I WANT to share, I WANT to grow with someone, I WANT to be loved.................

Well, I think I've caught ya'll up on everything.  I'll get back to my blog challenge on Monday :)

Some things to look forward too:
13) Letter to my other siblings
14) Last ten texts in your inbox.
15) A word or cliche that people say and you hate it.
16) What do you think a stranger’s first impression of you would be?

Random Ramblings of my Heart

Random Ramblings of my Heart,
The Bible says, "A double minded man is unstable in ALL of his ways" <<<< may explain why I've been sooo UNSTABLE, bi-polar emotionally, full of double standards, pro-hypocrisy & want my cake while I eat it too.

It's not irrational to look out for self, matter of fact it's perfectly rational.  But in my hearts of hearts i care about other people, and more importantly I hate the words "I'm disappointed in you Sade".  It's like a volcano erupting in your core & tears my heart to pieces, (not trying to guilt trip, this is real life). 

I thought I was making a decision that would make my life easier & lift a burden BUT it turns out it's created more of a burden & sheer embarrassment. 

So what do I do?

Move on and act like it never happened?  (knowing noone is ever going to forget)
OR
Do you swallow your pride & ask for a second chance? (knowing the answer maybe be "NO")

I don't know? but what I do know is that I NEED to get my mind RIGHT &  I NEED to have stability!

Day 13: part 3: Letter to siblings, Sis from another mother!

13) Your siblings (write a letter)

(as usual, the letters always tend to end up being the blogs I have to dig deep

within so I'll be writing 3 letters 1st to my lil bro, then my lil sis, 

then to people I consider siblings :) (i'll add the letter M to the last letter)

We have 108 photos tagged of us together on facebook, if you look at family she's under "mother" ... who do I speak of?

My Sister from another Mother, Moneika!

When August gets here, we would have known each other 7 years o_0!!!!! Let me start by saying THANK YOU!

I remember walking into HJNorth room 316 and looking on the other door and saw Moneika (monica) and britani would be my suite mates... I opened the bathroom door, met brittani and thought she was sooooo nice.  Then I met you a couple hours later and i thought you would be sooooo mean ... i was all the way wrong

7 years later...

You're still my friend and more than that, I truly consider you my sister!  You are everything I'm not lol you think with your head & not your heart, you judge a book after your read it, i judge it before, you plan, I operate on impulse, you manage money, I spend money SMH

Thank You, thank you for introducing me to UNC-Chapel Hill class of 07!  I know more people in the class of 07 than my own class.  You took me under your wings and let me hang out with you, took me to my 1st que party, 1st alpha ball, 1st probate, 1st game night, Gave me YOUR ticket to the UNC/Dook game b/c you had to work, gave me a roof when I could have slept in the street, visited me in the hospital, took me to the hospital, gave me money, gave me  your time and MOST importantly you gave me LOVE!  We've been through several things after 7 years and never once did you give up on me.  You forgave me when I didn't deserve forgiveness and tolerated my immaturity when I should have behaved like an adult.  You were there for me when i found out my cousin was murdered, I owe you my first born child lol

You changed my life! You believed in me! and I'm going to miss you while I'm gone, I'm going to miss coming to your house for NO reason and calling you for NO reason.  I can only pray that I've been 1/3 of a sister that you've been to me :)  While I'm gone... don't change! continue doing what you're doing, you inspire me to chase my dreams so I expect you to stay in the race!  You embody perseverance so NEVER give up!  I Love you and I thank you for being my friend (sister). 

Sisters don't need words.  They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief.  Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling.  ~Pam Brown