Sometimes you have to FORGET what you WANT and REMEMBER what you DESERVE :(

Love .... *big sigh* such a 'HEAVY' word! I could type on and on and on and on about all the things you can do to RUIN love, KILL love, TAKE AWAY love and a HOST of other things you can do to make love negative!

BUT for a brief moment I want to touch on the positive in love and my FAVORITE feature of Love: 

2nd CHANCES!

See I know what love feels like when it's all new and gooey BUT right now I'm experiencing love when it is NOT on my side :(

I'll be the 1st to admit that i was TERRIBLE at love, I didn't treat you the way you should have been treated.... i didn't respect the love/care/concern that you had for me... i just figured you'd be here FOREVER BUT 1 single day changed that!  Since that day, love hasn't been the same, it's like you SHUT-DOWN a part of your heart towards me and you are just COLD! ....'I can't locate where your heart is'

I have a message for everybody reading my blog ... I am SORRY for hurting you!

If you've ever been in love and the other party hurt you whether they cheated, betrayed your trust, gambled all your money away, forgot your bday... whatever it is they did.... if you know they are SORRY and would lay down their life for you ... PLEASE DON'T PUNISH THEM FOREVER!

Give them an opportunity to prove their love for you, let them earn their way back into your heart ... GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE .... WHY? .......Because Love HEALS ALL HURT! Love SHOULD heal ALL hurt

I know that no good (bad) deed goes unpunished BUT if you truly loved them before, don't withdraw your love from them b/c they can go

INSANE ....

What will they say about me when i'm gone?

This is a collage of the statuses i got yesterday while playing the numbers game :) The statuses INSPIRED me b/c positive words are like positive reinforcement :)  I've always wondered what people would say about me after i die .... BUT i much rather know how people feel while i'm alive :)

#11 Beautifully Intelligent! Crazy! Hysterically Funny! Crazy! Emotionally Stirred! Crazy! Incredibly Talented! Crazy! Abundantly Blessed! Crazy! Transparently Alive! Crazy! Willfully Giving! Crazy! Unapologetically Saved! Crazy! Unashamedly You! ...pause...Eternally My Friend :-)! You are your own biggest obstacle, bu...t once you get past you, you will run Tirelessly, and you will Win. ♥

 

#11 You are one of my truest friends and one of the few that I know will be in my life for many years to come. I love you sooo much and it's been a pleasure watching you become who you are. You are a fighter and though you had every reason in the world to give up and call it quits you never did. When we were younger we... always competed but we always could celebrate each other:)

 

#11 (Female) You are a very 'unique' person lol ....you can be very trying at times, yet you're pretty awesome at other times. I have truly enjoyed this rollercoaster of a friendship that we've had and I wouldn't change anything about it. You are a very bright, young lady (seriously) and I can't wait for the day that ...you put that intelligence to use so that we can finally go to Brasa (inside joke) LOL.

 

#11 this nig...lol naw but for real i never would have imagined that we would have grown so close in such a short time! I didn't realize the impact tht you would have on my life when we first met but i can def say that i really do consider you one of my good friends now and thats something cuz u kno how antisocial i am... lol. you are one of the funniest/realist ppl i kno n i appreciate you being around n there for me!

 

#11 i have known u for a minute..we had some fun times at work...i know i can always count on you for a laugh..ur fun to be around and an overall great person..hopefully we can hang out when I get back to NC

 

720...u just had to pick that number..lmao...i always go to that "place" looking forward to the stories u have to tell..u keep me rollin girl..lol..love ya

 

#720. Troublemaker. My partner in crime @ work. Can take me from wanting 2 steal off on someones face 2 laughing about it in seconds. ALWAYS has something 2 say. *hand gesture*Awesome!-ly sarcastic. Hates "incompetence". Loves the fresh smell of "Go...rdon" in the morning. The only one "Angry Steven" ever liked. Woot.

 

#11 Busy Body, everywhere all the time. Very beautiful, with a great smile and personality to match.

11:: funny chick, real cool personality

 11 you've always been cool peoples. I miss game nights like crazy. Those were honestly some of the best nights in college

#13 A very good friend that should've told me long time ago you had a crush on me cause you a sweetheart and ain't no telling where we would be today!

#11 You are a very nice person! You're one of the most real people I've ever met and you always keep the music and laughter!

 

Day 16 of the 30 Day CHALLENGE

The Challenge: Day 16- Another picture of yourself

I LOVE THIS pic of myself :) the ONLY thing that would make this pic better is highlighting 1 of my dimples :( ... #TeamNatural (no make up) Beauty

Day 15 of 30 day challenge

The Challenge: Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Judge away based on these 10 songs smh

1) Dueces (C.breezy, Tyga and a que named Kevin McCall) << i prefer the remix now

2) Apple Pie a la Mode (Destiny's Child)  <<< Survivor is my 2nd fav DC3 album (Writings on the wall = #1) 

3) Seattle (Mary Mary) <<<< I LOVE this song and "the Sound" album! ... actually ALL the Mary Mary albums ... i would listen to them sing their A,B,C's

4) Have you Ever (Brandy) .... YES I have loved someone so much that it made me cry :-/

5) Drop it Low Remix (Diddy, Weezy, Trigga, and Chris) <<< weezy f baby ... tat it on her butt!

6) Chariot (Gavin Degraw) <<< I LOVE HIM!!"Oh chariot, your golden waves" and "I don't wanna be anything other than what i been tryna be lately"

7) Gorgeous (kanye)  <<<< wish this was 'Blame game' so i could say yeezy taught me) << "the same ppl that tried to black ball me forgot about 2 things ...."

8) All Cried Out (Allure and 112) <<< "but the traffic was so noisy that you COULD NOT HEAR ME CRYYYYYYYYY"  I LOVE a good remake :)

9) They ain't JE (Jagged Edge) <<< THROWBACK

10) This is Why I'm Hot Remix (M.I.M.S) <<< what ever happened 2 him (in my reggae voice) ???

Challenge Day 14/30 :)

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

soooo I have A LOT of family sooo i'm going to show you a couple excerpts :)

This is my nuclear fam ... mom, grandma, lil bro and lil sis

the most ppl 4rm my fam in this! i'm in the lower right :)

 

 

 

my sisters b4 Lafi lol Neka & maya

the LOVES of my life :) Neka's kids

most of my cousins :) i'm top left

The Process

2 Sunday's ago I was in the shower at my friend's house and I was telling her how much I NEEDED to go to church that day.... as I began to say "I NEED A MIRACLE form God TODAY", I caught myself....

I felt convicted because:
1) When I apply for a job, I EXPECT to go through an INTERVIEW PROCESS
2) When I make a payment online, I EXPECT for the bank to PROCESS my payment
3) When I take a standardized test, I EXPECT them to PROCESS my score
4) When I apply to school, I EXPECT to go through an application PROCESS

HOWEVER, when I ask/elicit/want/beg  for a miracle/blessing/favor/etc from God... I DON'T EXPECT to WAIT or go through a PROCESS... I WANT IT NOW!

I realized in that moment that I often PIMP God b/c I often only think of Him as a LAST resort! I lean on God after I've done ALL that I can do and I need Him to FIX IT (QUICKLY)!  I turn on my gospel playlist to show God that I'm serious and as SOON as He does whatever it is I've asked for .... I'm back to Lucifer (ye and hov song). 
What I want is the "while on other's tho art calling, do not pass me by" God... I don't care for the "if you're luke warm I'll vomit you out" God.
So I'm a PIMP .. I want God, when I WANT God, and when I don't want God, I don't WANT God, and I want a God that understand that!

In other areas of my life, I don't mind waiting because I know it is a PROCESS but I expect God to be a magician and fortunately sometimes He does show up exactly when I "need" Him BUT in the times He hasn't ... I've realized that maybe He's trying to show me that I can't pimp him! He should run my life when things are going great and when they are going bad because it is a part of the PROCESS of being a Christian.  I can't call myself a disciple of Christ when I only pray when I feel like it OR when i "want" something...

So I said all that to say: being a Christian is a PROCESS and just like with other things in life where we HAVE to go through the PROCESS before we can get an answer/job/education/score/etc.... same goes with God... stay faithful DURING the PROCESS THEN you can POSSESS the BLESSINGS that come along w/ the PROCESS!

Day 13 of 30

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Sade,

It took me awhile to do this blog because it really meant that i had to admit how much i hurt myself.  It's never easy to realize that the person who holds you back the most issssssss often .... YOURSELF!  However, the worst part of hurting yourself is not being smart enough to STOP smh.  (P.S. by hurt myself I don't mean slitting my wrist or anything)

I mean:

1) Settling for less than i deserve in relationships/friendships

2) NOT motivating myself (i have a bad habit of not studying AS IF i can just pass a test .... on sheer brilliance smh)

3) Loving other people MORE than i love myself

4) Apathy

5) Not budgeting

honestly the list goes on and on and on of things/habits/thoughts i have that in NO WAY contribute to my future... 

Worst/Best part of this hurt though is GROWTH and MATURITY

Love, Sade